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of mirrored reflections in broken glass

I read your heart
to the trees
they swayed
in their thrall,
crimson streaked
my hands

I lay offering
in mirrored chance

besides your dog,
never looking past
the leash and collar,
I noticed the ghost of you
content to smell the ground
muttering of lost moments

ever ignoring the madness
that seethed below the surface

of me … or you ?
I had no clue till

I noticed your mirror’s
are shattered
every single one of them

in each broken piece
I’m screaming for you to let go

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

A lovely write of searching as we all do..
Not a perfect Mirror, but one that shows you the things that your eyes would think that you would wish to see.
The perfect mirror cannot be broken, it is held up from your inside but at the distance of infinity, to show your Earthly eyes that there is a perfect light to go toward, leaving all imperfections behind.
The journey to infinity is instant, and the image joins the reflection in one symphony of colour that you will know is you.
It is a state that is sought by many that crawl the Earth, we will see it in truth one day, and be happy, then think in beautiful terms why, Oh why, couldn't I see me before.
Now rest young lady, you are working much too late, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thanks for the read and comment, this is about a letting go of things that no matter how hard you try, it cannot be let go, I dont know if I can fully explain this one its ending says it all though ... I edited this pretty harshly so I hope I havent cut the guts out of it lol ...

I will sleep when its not so hot I can't decribe how damn hot it is here BLAH ! summer is here !!

love always JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

me the feeling that you are watching another person who is slowly losing their grip on reality, but realises it and is frustrated. The dog is the only companion that doesn't judge, and provides some sense of stabiilty. I think that when the person goes, the dog will too. The mirrors aren't possessive and don't need an apostrophe. Love and higgest bugs, ~ Gee

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My goodness I forgot how well you can read me lol I am going to have to be extra careful, big smile thanks for the heads up on the apostrophe my browser does it all on its own ... thanks for the read and the comment, I am trying to work on more positive things but the muse hasnt been cooperative

its good to see you I will be reading for a while tonight I will make sure to call in and see what killer has been up to, damn its good to be back

love always JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

what comes out from your pen. It's your way of writing that makes these things so clear to me. The muse needs a little fun! There must be a good party coming up. Somebody's birthday or something. Graduation, wedding, whatever! I'll bet they are real fun affairs and would love to have you write about one of them and the people there. You have a great sense of humour and I know that you could have me ROTF. Good to have you back! Killer is working on something and will be ready soon, but I think that there are probably one or two that you haven't read yet. Love and higgest bugs, ~ Gee

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Smile I am glad you can see what I write I am really glad you liked this one, I have been working on a poem for a long time I am about to post it now, its as close to a finished product as I have ever produced I had a little help along the way ;) I have a few poems about our parties and such I will drag them out for you and post a couple I am sure you will rotf I usually end up drunk and smiling, A happier drunk you will never meet LOL !!

higgliest bugs love Jayne-Chloe xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

In the academia world of poetry, this poem would
be labelled abstract and they would be right. In the
teachings of today they teach against the use of
abstractions, I happen to believe they are only half
way right for poetry (in my opinion) needs some room
to evolve and it does as does language whether they
want it to or not.

but back to your poem, it is so abstract I am unable to
get anything tangible from it, don't have a clue if you are
talking about self or someone else.

I love your opening lines;
I read your heart to the trees
they swayed

but the following lines seem out of place
crimson I am guessing representing blood
makes little sense, did the trees bleed, what
is bleeding, your heart, their heart, ???

I lay offering in mirrored chance; don't know
what that means either but love it just the same !!!

Some great lines in this one Jayne but in my opinion
if you make it more accessible to the reader it will turn
into a great poem.

title; sort of gives the ending away, something simpler
might work a little better (my opinion again, and as you
know, that's not the only thing we all have, lol)

Richard

This poem is solely about my mental illness I have had battles over the years staying well
in the first stanza I thought it would be clear that the heart I was holding was the reason for the bloody hands, now you have given me pause for thought maybe it should read crimson streaked my arms, it would make more sense as the heart is being held up to the trees

I lay offering in mirrored chance I see myself in the mirror and wonder which me is the well one and which is the unwell persona

I see myself when I am really unwell wandering around the yard with my dogs, which I tend to do when things are not right so that will explain that stanza

ignoring the voices as they progressively become louder and louder ignoring the madness that seethes beloe the surface

the lines on from there I thought were self descriptive I will take a long look at this one, thanks for raising your concerns I think some are partly valid

it is after all the job of the poet to bring the story to the reader, thanks for the honest comment I appreciate any input

hope you and the family are well

sincerely Jayne-Chloe

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment
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