Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

A MIRROR

What we receive
From all around
Only our deeds
Rebound

Hear we only
That things
Our tongue yells
In the ear;s wells

Words of love
That we speak
Take us by storm
And send to peak

World around us
Mirrors the same
That reflects
Only our name

Do the good
Without reward
It is the only
Its own award

Nemesis is at work
It does not leave ever
And it does justice sure
Its act wastes never

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
crtically review
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Explicit Content

Comments

Your title is good.
I like your language, although it occassionally becomes a little obscure to me. But that's okay: english is a living language, and it often makes one have to stop and think.
In general your cadence is good. The only part I did not like is the second verse:

"Hear we only
That things
Our tongue yells
In the ear;s wells"

It does not follow the same rhyming structure as the rest of the poem, and I think that the word "that" in the second line should be "the".
Finally, I like the theme very much, that what we say and do is thrown back at us like reflections from a mirror. This is a great image.

Thanks for writing this...keep them coming.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.