Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

mirror

who is this girl that i see
in the broken mirror
with the sad eyes and sad lips
but the saddest part is
she still has hope
however many times she’s been hurt
she still believes
little does she know
it is not the mirror that is broken
the broken one
is her
- j

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

of a optimist.
My only criticism is that you use the word sad so often. I think that if you would use another word like [thin] or [frowning] to describe her lips, it may be a spark to give the line a bit more punch. ~ Geezer.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

instead of ending it with her try out she and see if you like that better

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

A new twist to an old poem?
I don't know.
The first thing I though and this is only me because I have thought it so many times in recent years is can she even see herself? Does she have too much shit on her face? Piercings, Tats, Make up....does she really know herself or perhaps is just down on herself a bit of low esteem maybe all a passing phase I would hope.
The poem is well constructed in my opinion and that you mention sad many times makes it very clear that at least the being down for now is true.
Here is, I do believe, the original mirror poem:
https://www.gradesaver.com/sylvia-plath-poems/study-guide/summary-mirror

Don't be sad but don't be in a hurry to 'grow up' neither :~)
Attitude makes or breaks our lives.
Joy and Peace for you,

THE MARK
.
If you take the time to read a poem then take the time to let the author know you were there. Study it and form an opinion as well, even if it means going back to it more than once. That is basic critique, what Neopoet is all about.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.