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mirror
who is this girl that i see
in the broken mirror
with the sad eyes and sad lips
but the saddest part is
she still has hope
however many times she’s been hurt
she still believes
little does she know
it is not the mirror that is broken
the broken one
is her
- j
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Wed, 2021-03-24 10:48
A description...
of a optimist.
My only criticism is that you use the word sad so often. I think that if you would use another word like [thin] or [frowning] to describe her lips, it may be a spark to give the line a bit more punch. ~ Geezer.
.
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c lynn brooks
Wed, 2021-03-24 16:46
suggestion
instead of ending it with her try out she and see if you like that better
Chrys
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