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miracles

Submitted by judyanne on Sun, 2012-07-22 06:49

they say there hasn’t been a miracle
since heaven up above knows only when
and things we used to see as spiritual
have somehow moved off way beyond our ken

a long time’s passed since angels, happily
delivered news of wondrous, new instruction
we hurtle on, towards calamity
to thirst, disease and weapons of destruction

a baby born a year ago this spring
today has proven there’s phenomenon
she stands and staggers, totters, then she’s walking
and so the human race continues on

of all the miracles I could detail
the biggest one of all is, we prevail
.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

docmaverick

Mon, 2012-07-23 03:20

docmaverick's picture

...I'm not sue "why" the break in the pattern...but, it's very intelligable. Maybe try adding 2 lines before the last pair, so those are stil your ending lines. As is, it's good....but, it could be great!
Sincerely,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
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judyanne

Mon, 2012-07-23 06:57

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i don't really know what you mean by the 'break in the pattern' - this is a sonnet....
and it makes sense to me :) - can you clarify why/where it doesn't to you?

thanks anyway
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

docmaverick

Wed, 2012-07-25 14:52

docmaverick's picture

...that there's a 9 count in syllables, in the 1st line of every stanza until the final. Then, you have a 10 count.
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

docmaverick

Wed, 2012-07-25 14:55

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...I don't think prevailing, is necessarily a miracle.
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

judyanne

Thu, 2012-07-26 03:10

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lol – I don’t know what accent you are using …. but the lines you mention all have 10 syllables in orstralian

and if you don’t think it is a miracle that the human race is still here after all we have destroyed - man, beast, ecology…. then I wonder at you doc

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

docmaverick

Thu, 2012-07-26 04:05

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...but, prevailing afterwards MEANS, "destruction"!
sorry, miscounted;
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

judyanne

Thu, 2012-07-26 08:16

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i don't think i said there wasn't destruction ???

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

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docmaverick

Thu, 2012-07-26 18:35

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...but, I wonder.....would you callwould you say that a shark in a koi pond was a surviver? Or a prevailer? How about a mouse in a snakes den. If he killed the snake....then...but, there's no way I'd compliment the snake on PREVAILING against that fearsome mouse!!!!!!
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

judyanne

Thu, 2012-07-26 19:25

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lol - it all depends on one's semantic interpretation does it not?

definitions of prevail..
1. to be widespread or current; exist everywhere or generally: 'Silence prevailed along the funeral route'.

2. to appear or occur as the more important or frequent feature or element; predominate: 'Green tints prevail in the upholstery'.

3. to be or prove superior in strength, power, or influence (usually followed by over ): 'They prevailed over their enemies in the battle.'

4. to succeed; become dominant; win out: 'to wish that the right side might prevail.'

5. to use persuasion or inducement successfully: 'He prevailed upon us to accompany him.'

- you find me another rhyme if it means that much to you... i still say the word is pertinent... :)
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Ian.T

Mon, 2012-07-23 03:46

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A lovely write, we only have to become aware of anything around us this is a miracle, yet we still strive for much more, If only we could be content with watching the sun rise or meeting others that can think as we do..
Keep up the grand words you write,
Yours Ian.T
In our loneliness there are a multitude of meetings.
If only we took the time to feel,
Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

judyanne

Mon, 2012-07-23 04:31

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for the read and comments
- we turn a blind eye to 'miracles' don't we?

love judy xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

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Geezer

Mon, 2012-07-23 11:08

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has had children, knows what you mean, Judy. I have rediscovered these feelings in my grandchildren. Amazing! ~ Gee

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judyanne

Thu, 2012-07-26 03:20

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for the read and the supportive comment
and yes - grandhildren are our own special miracles..

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

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Candlewitch

Mon, 2012-07-23 12:00

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as to us prevailing... not only is it a miracle, but a great mystery. As per usual, a great write. Good language usuage, especially "ken".

love, Cat

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judyanne

Thu, 2012-07-26 03:23

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thanks very much for the great comment
love judy

hope you're back on your feet again after the flu... it's come here now, i've been pretty unwell lol - did you send it to me?
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

weirdelf

Wed, 2012-07-25 16:15

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Beautifully written, I am not going to crit the minor flaws of scansion.
The content says that any drug addled, ignorant, politically retarded human being can produce a miracle by reproduction. Those fuckwits should be sterilised (I didn't say that).

This is sentimental rubbish. We need to consider the beings we bring into this world and who does it. You abrogate your responsibility as an intelligent person by writing this poem.

I am disappointed. As human beings we need to take responsibility for who we bring into this world. And perhaps take a real sense of integrity and responsibility by spreading memes, not children born to ignorance and crime.

The large majority of people reproduce without any accountability.

Now tell me what you really meant to say and how I embarrassed myself by completely misunderstanding.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

judyanne

Thu, 2012-07-26 03:15

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not on my page please
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

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judyanne

Thu, 2012-07-26 03:25

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rotfpmsl jess

when you are in the mood you will pick at anything…
I suppose one of the subtexts may read as your interpretation – a very tiny subtext I might add, and certainly one I never meant

lol - I apologise for picking perhaps the only one, of the hundred million miracles that happen every day, that was the one that would get up your nose…….

what I was trying to say…
1 miracles are all around us – including birth and a baby’s first steps – for your sake I obviously needed to add a non-human related miracle, but no room in a sonnet lol ….
2 I think it is the biggest miracle of all that the human race is still here after the way we have treated each other and our home, taking no responsibility for any of it

I guess I relied too much on the reader to interpret…. but I see stan down there below has understood me

thanks jess
just goes to show how every reader interprets from their own world-view,,,

love judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

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judyanne

Thu, 2012-07-26 03:16

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how my reply got down there jess...

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

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scribbler

Wed, 2012-07-25 21:22

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You write sonnets just to piss me off and rub my nose in the fact that I suck at them lmao. But seriously the syllable count is correct as far as I can see and very few lines seem unnaturally long. To the content I agree that too many people overlook the tiny miracles around them every day. A grub becoming a butterfly, a drop of rain transforming to a snowflake, us being around to see it.............stan

judyanne

Thu, 2012-07-26 03:18

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for the supportive comment
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

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