Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Mind eye coordination

There is a blind spot in my eye,
so I can never see the whole.

It is a gap in sight, maybe like
the synaptic gap, I do not know;

but like most things, it takes
a leap of faith to cross a shore:

as mind automatically constructs
the full image of what I saw.

Editing stage: 

Comments

Very complete. Reminds me a bit of Louis MacNeice, which is a great thing. It shows control of the form within the subject and every word is accounted for. Good rhyme. And the meaning, the poetic truth comes though well.

If I had to say something...I keep getting tongue tied in the last line. seems the enjambment just is off a bit,,like the line before is iambic,and the last line i put the stress on word "full" and then "picture" cannot assume that stress point...hope I'm explaining that clearly..

But really, a tight and well made verse to me

.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

That stopped me momentarily there. Is it a typo?
or
full pictures of what I've seen (??)
Neatly done, tyro!

~Mark~

We're all dead men so best live whilst dying.

Perhaps full' was intended to be "fullest"?

Marthalyn

tyro surely has us talking though.
Perhaps he (or she) will stop by and give us the intent :~)
Later,

~Mark~

We're all dead men so best live whilst dying.

Hello lady and gentlemen

Yes, it is a typo. Would image in place of picture bring the stress in line?

thank you all for your comments.

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

author comment

like image because it has a bit of alliteration with I and rolls off the tongue better.

~Mark~

We're all dead men so best live whilst dying.

I myself like it much more tyro.
Check your messages please.

~Mark~

We're all dead men so best live whilst dying.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.