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Midnight song

pause of time:
hark!

through the mid
night

wide awaken birds
sing;

the moon shines
away

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
À la manière de ee. cummings’ “The Red Wheelbarrow”
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I'm a bit unsure what to think about this but figured I'd let you know I dropped by......stan

Thank you. It’s more like a creative writing exercise, where I took a famous poem and create something similar. Either way, this poem’s concept, as well as its original, is to capture the moment,
to “shoot” a living image.

author comment

an expanded Haiku then?

Yes, kind of.

author comment

Mostly, creative writers embraces midnight as a preferred atmosphere for creating their thoughts on paper. But here it seems you lost the idea or the subject You intend to write. (E.g) ...the moon shines away!

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

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