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Middle Kingdom

There are gaps in heaven,
empty voids of godlessness
through which almost-angels fall
through arcs of feathers swirling
in slow spirals of building sin;
their ends are fissures rent in hell
filled with almost-demons rising up
on wafts of kindness and respite.

In the space between are mortals,
frail lives of narrow frenzies
caught by shifting moral webs
of goodness and depravity,
our prayers and curses fought over
by those above us and below
like starving jackals hungering.

Their furied screams and pleadings are
the stuff of nightmares and belief,
our loves and needs all shaped into
a million twisting paths by hunger,
passion, rage and hate,
to fill the heart delighted
or crush all care
with strangling grip
of sick slack-jawed profanity.

For our prayers are fuel for endlessness,
eternal grist for wheels of judgement
cloaked with abject fear of death
and futile yearnings for more life
while every action brings us to
the teetering brink of constant choice
that spills us into hope or rank despair.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

You is trying to frighten me, not trying so much as actually doin..
Loved the write, I do hope it is fiction as I race to the winter of my years, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I started with the first line, which came to me driving home from work, one night.
Glad that you enjoyed this, Ian. But don't worry; we won't get caught up in it; winter becomes spring, my friend, remember this!
Thanks

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

My Spring now is the meeting again all I have walked with during the years I have had the pleasure to be a physical being.
But that is another story, and a beautiful one at that!!
I am blessed here with many friends and the freedom to play with words.
To talk with each in their own way, to think with them of a universe so complex that we have to make it simple to stop our own minds from exploding.
I love the change from the love of others, to horror and many other things it is a freedom we can enjoy, yet to depict these things in hope that they help others to live with some of the things they come across, I shall continue in my way as long as I can,
The journey is sometimes wonderful,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

My mind
exploded long ago,
It just still looks
as if its whole,
but I've spent years
in trial and error
trying to put it
back together.

;)

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

excellent work Jim. Great imagery and content. Don't have any critique just really liked it.

Scott

I'm glad that you enjoyed it. The imageryreally struck me as well, when I finished it.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

My sentiment is in the same realm, you have truly captured it in the last two line that for me was the only way to end this write.

"the teetering brink of constant choice
that spills us into hope or rank despair."

Great food for thought!

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

I have not seen you for awhile, I hope that you and yours are all well.
Thanks for reading, and for enjoying. I started with just the first line, but by the time I got to the end, you're right, it was the only ending that could be used; I tried several others, but this one was the best.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment
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