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Mental Shadow

In the depth of my darkness
Sound, language and understanding
Are lost to a deaf silence
My hearing is non existent
I cannot articulate one utterance
Of understanding my self-incarceration.

There is an ambiguity in my self-destruction
For I am not empathetic to my past pain
Or of future acknowledgement of my self-healing
Blinded from self-loathing
I recognizing no love reciprocated
In these moments there is only self-obliteration.

Nothing from outside this sphere
That is supportive can enter
My dark force field
The mind and heart are locked
Only pain and hurt is reflected back
Not one outer word is a healing revelation.

Revelation, a glimmer of hope
May shine through If I look inward
Without expecting help from some
Esoteric non-human entity
The obscurity of thought needs the light
Of clarity and augmentation.

The fuel that lights the inner lantern
Must be excavated
from the deepest cavern in my soul
so that a spark can ignite rational thought
an illumination of sorts
to find the answer to this puzzling equation.

Understanding and self-love = mental health
But a true center must be found
As true north is found on a compass
So is the oneness of the universe
Which is one half of my whole
The other half creates a mental equalization

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I have been in therapy because of my childhood past and my years in the armed forces of the USA. I have come to realize many things that have been stumbling blocks in my mentality. It helps to verbalize them in speech and writing. Please do not be afraid to voice your true opinion It just might help or not have you have your own stumbling blocks.
Editing stage: 

Comments

This is a struggle we all face through life at sometime I've nearly been here 10 years can you believe it ?? and it still surprises me when a poem grips me or affects me

and this one did both

There are couple of lines I would shorten but you'll find them yourself with a read through

great poem and I have to say it left me with a strong sense of sadness

I will be round take care sweets

love and hugs Jayne xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

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