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MENTAL SCARS

MENTAL SCARS
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They’ve called you every cruel name from cynic to a snob,
Their words and looks, like needles large and small,
Leave you with the feeling you've gotta be a slob
And your jokes just never raise no laughs at all…

When your smallest faults are magnified, distorted, advertised
And you cannot hope to do a thing that’s right,
When everyone’s against you, every action criticized,
And the only path left to you is to fight…

Then your lips become the tighter and your answers short and rude
And each one in his own uncaring blindness
Thinks that you’re impossible, so you taste solitude,
When all they had to do was try some kindness…

Why don’t they understand their cruel jokes cut you through and through:
Though they may not believe it, you can FEEL!
And every time the seeing blind pull a cruel one on you,
Your mental scars take a longer time to heal…
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If you'd like to hear the SUNG version, you can hear a recording I made of this yesterday at http://tinyurl.com/Mental-Scars
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Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I enjoyed the read very much, and I have seen the truth of this.
We are all scared with these injustice.
Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

Thank you for reading. Pleased you enjoyed the read.
Psyve

author comment

I to have to say I enjoyed the read very much also. I can relate to a lot of your poem. I some times can believe that I have lived it and still am. Nice write...

Pixee

Glad you liked the poem.
I guess some of us have experienced the pain of this alienation in our early lives and have learned to live with the scars ....

Psyve

author comment

Thank you for sharing that.

I guess we are the sum total of our experiences, good or bad, and what you have described, certainly seems to have made you a stronger person.

I am pleased this song resonated with you.

Thnk you for listening, and sharing.

Psyve

author comment

Thank you for your kind words.
Pleased you liked this.
Psyve

author comment

First of all, thank you for listening to this recording.

Am pleased you liked it.

The underlay you refer to is of course me multitracking my vocals. In the mastered version that you heard the vocal harmonies have been pushed very far back and kept very quiet to give predominance to the main vocals and guitar.

Interesting, your comment on "through and through"...

( Why don’t they understand their cruel jokes cut you through and through:
Though they may not believe it, you can FEEL!
And every time the seeing blind pull a cruel one on you,
Your mental scars take a longer time to heal…)

I'm not sure i find it forced myself, but that may have to do with syntax, I guess, and how we speak in different parts of the world...

For me, it just felt natural... and worked with the meter and the stressed syllables and the rhyme, so I hadn't thought it may feel ...odd??... to the ear...

Options that come to mind immediately include:

Why don’t they understand their cruel jokes cut and run you through....
Why don’t they understand their cruel jokes cut you, run you through....
Why don’t they understand their cruel jokes hurt and cut you through....
Why don’t they understand their cruel jokes hurt you, cut you through....

but I'm not really convinced a change is needed on THIS line...

Need to think about it....

Appreciate your listening and taking the time to critique

Cheers,

Psyve

author comment

I have read and listened to the sung version and the only things I would change are small. Such as:

And your jokes just never raise no laughs at all…

I would remove the word "just" and change "no" to any

I can relate to this song strongly as I was shunned within my own family because I loved my father who had the audacity to leave my mother (more like self-preservation!) When they called him names, I fiercely defended him and called them on the carpet for the selfish cowards that they were. My rebellion was reported to the secondary family, too, such as uncles, aunts, and their offspring. To this day, I am the family black sheep. I scandalized them even more with three marriages. (It took three to get it right and I wasn't known to stay in bad situations) Sorry to bend your ear, but I wanted you to know how much I can relate to this piece of work.

always, Cat (& eddy styx)

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Thank you for listening and commenting. I'm pleased this one resonated with you enough for you to want to share that piece of your life. And thank you for that sharing too.

Coming to the line
And your jokes just never raise no laughs at all…
Replacing that with "And your jokes never raise any laughs at all" may not work because of the position of the stresses required: because this is a song lyric rather than a straightforward poem, each line needs a stress at just the right spot.

In this case, each line of the lyric cosists of 4 sets of 4 beats each, thus:
1-2-3-4...1-2-3-4...1-2-3-4...1-2-3-4
The stressed syllable is ALWAYS on the "1" beat. That is the rule I worked with. So it goes like this, musically:

(They've)
Called you ev - ry // cru el name from // cy- nic to a // snob (2...3..) Their
Words and looks, like // nee -dles large and // small...2...3...4... // 1..2...3...4...
Leave you with the // fee-ling that you've // got- ta be a // slob ...2... and your
Jokes just nev- er // raise no laughs at // all… 2...3...4... 1...2...3...4...

Hopefully this will all transcribe into something sensible when I hit the "save" button ... and not re-format into gibberish realignment.

Hope also that that explains my choices. I'm sure there are different ways to do that , and some of those may be more acceptable to you than my own choice.... but hey, that's the fun of composition, I guess.

Thanks again, Cat, for sharing your thoughts with me.

Psyve

author comment
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