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mental health

I’m not mental,
just a little confused.
Before you start the bullying,
THINK, I might have been abused.
You don't know my background,
your life has been smooth.
Before you start the pity,
I’m just as good as you.

I’m not being moody.
I’m certainly not acting mad.
I was brought up to be kind,
the best parents a child could have.
When I see darkness, you see light.
I see sorrow and you see joy.
You see a future,
and I just plod along.

I need help mother,
it's sharp. Everything's gone dark.
Everything seems hopeless,
and my world's falling apart.
Like you know, I don't feel,
a part of what other people do.
I need a friend,
but I want to be alone too.

It's a cry for help.
It's not sympathy I crave.
There’s a big black cloud,
on my very worst days.
I kick and I scream.
fight for all my worth,
I hurt the ones that I love best,
who have given me the earth.

Yes, I have cried so many tears.
Yes, I have lost so many friends.
caused so much heartache,
but now iv made amends.
You should look at me now,
clean-shaven. brand new shoes,
I'm now looking to the future,
it was MIND that helped me through.

There is light at the end of the tunnel,
if you could only reach out.
There are people out there to listen,
to things, you want to talk about.
So if you're out there feeling lonely,
and are reading these lines,
muster all your courage,
please get in touch with MIND.

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Contest: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Nice piece, full of angst.

Are you sure there’s not TWO poems in it?

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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thank you ray

author comment

but I'm not certain that it should be two. I am wondering if the use of MIND is not just more than two-fold and has a third meaning? Your word use is fine, but you have a typo, [iv] [should be I've]. Your rhythm is a little bit shakey, but nothing that can't be fixed. The poem seems logical and flows well from beginning to end. The near ryhme is good, but it could use a bit more true rhyme. ~ Geezer.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

hi, yea mind is mind mental health services/apologies for the typo I tend to rush.to keen.

author comment

that big of a deal. We just mention them to help out. We are a bit of relaxed here and once you get to know us, I'm sure that you will find the site to your liking. We try to be helpful and give you the benefit of our, in some cases, years of writing. Take the advice and apply it to your work, but don't feel that you have to use everything and use what feels best for you. Again, welcome to Neo. ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

thank you geezer appreciated

author comment

thank you very much teddy and nice to meet you

author comment

Firstly your first poem is too longly
max lines must be12 to 19 ////else it becomes epicurial
many skip ....all mostly want to be read here me too

next why mind etc in CAPS doesn't add a bit
next all are abused at youth ....no shame tell guys to take care .
the best poets of neo have spelt
I've just added as I felt
ALL URS pal

to me personally, because I understand it. I have actually been writing a series of short-stories for some time now on the subject of mental health and bullying specifically, and this strikes straight home. Well written. I have to agree with Geezer in his assessment of the meter/rhyme/rhythm, though. The poem DOES need work, but the bones of it are so strong, if there's something it doesn't need that's a rewrite. I don't think it should be two separate poems, for it flows so well within itself from one though to the next.
Also, again, welcome to NeoPoet. I can hardly wait to read more of your fascinating poetry.
Thank you for sharing this poem. It is so powerful and so true.
~

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

thank you for your lovely comment

author comment
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