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Memory's hell
It is the unknown that I fear,
when real misery hits so near,
the fear to walk a corridor,
then coming back will be no more.
When memory's cells have to smear,
it is the unknown that I fear.
I fear the feel; the utmost pain
of getting brain's cells off to drain.
Anonymous spots now surround,
the waves of deafness echo the sound.
It is the unknown that I fear,
when everything 'round starts to queer.
Oh damn to this Alzheimer's curse,
I think nothing is ever worse;
for merely blurs would start to sneer
then that's the unknown that I fear.
Review Request (Direction):
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How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
alidzain
Wed, 2017-04-19 15:06
Salam, Rula
I think it is a fitting title. Now about the poem. I just can't remember what t is even though I know I've came across it before. Can you tell me what it is. The brain has become a little rusty.
Alid
Rula
Wed, 2017-04-19 15:43
Salam Khalid
The form is called the quatern
Here is more about it:
http://shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/quatern.html
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scribbler
Wed, 2017-04-19 16:02
hi
Hopefully not an autobiographic poem. S-3 , L-4 you might consider"when everything begins to queer"... might be a bit less forced........stan
Rula
Wed, 2017-04-19 16:27
Thank you for
reading and the suggestion Stan. I thought it's spot on.
Unfortunately alzehaimers hits a v. close relative and we find ourselves hopeless yet not helpless_ hopefully.
Appreciate your kind visit.
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Rula
Sat, 2017-04-22 10:07
Thank you
dear for your comment and the suggestion. Hope you like better the newer title.
Highly appreciate your kind visit.
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Eumolpus
Thu, 2017-04-20 17:53
moving poem
A moving poem about a very common nightmare so many of us had to watch. In the first years of this disease the fear is very real and heart felt. Everyone around does not acknowledge it, it is a very personal fear which I have too often heard about and pray to not one day say.
I would like to see a different title, one more related to the exact theme of the poem. Otherwise I think it works as a poem in terms of the craft.
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
Rula
Sat, 2017-04-22 10:05
Hello Eumolpus
Well some would think that I have rushed an unrelated title, but the fact is that it -'Fears& Tears' well depicts those who surround the relative daily. I have however chose the new title comes to be more about the disease itself. Hope it works better.
Be safe all andtake care.
Thank you so much.
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