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Memory

Stand still
Shut your sight
See through your mind
Meditate all through your past
In search of the lost moment
Look for that which was gone
While the breeze of the after rain
blows against your face
As you feel a life refreshing

Hold still
With your eyes closed
Sigh in a deep breath
Tell yourself the truth
About the theme of nature
Tell the difference
How much lessons have you learned?
Hurting people and been hurt?
Life is as plain as clean water

Keep still
Shut your ears
Even though are open
But your mind focused
Keep all distractions out of hearing
Know the difference
How a deaf can feel for a lifetime
Pretend to be just and unjust
As the moment of reality splashes your thought
Balance the two coins of nature
For life is but simple
Though we all race for fake against the naturality.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
When ones conscience works sometimes guilt can remind us that we are still humans.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

1] I'm not sure what you mean by [Shot your sight]? [Shut your eyes]?

2] you need a [D] on the end of [close[d].

3] blow[s]

4] How [many] lessons have you learne[d]?

5] Life is as plain as clean water [delete the [a]

6] [Shot] your ears? Do you mean [shut]?

7] Mind [focused]

8] Know the [difference]

9] Not sure if you mean [deaf]?

10]Splash[es]

I get the main thought of the piece and you just need to clean it up a little.

~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
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Many people may be editing their work before posting, I write my work here and edit them here it based on the little time I have that's why some of my work look rough.
Thank you very much for your help I'll surely do that.

author comment

You missed a couple of edits, but much better. ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

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