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Melt

Submitted by AnnaNJ on Fri, 2012-04-06 15:47

Sometimes I want to melt...

Melt into my bed,

melt into the background,

melt into your arms,

melt into myself.

Sometimes I want to melt

until there’s nothing left.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing

Comments

WonderGolly

Sat, 2012-04-07 09:22

Your poem brings to mind one of those many times when we wished we never existed at all.
your wording is precise and your sentence structure is concise. Although short, your poem flows nicely.
nice write.

respects.

WonderGolly

What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol

Candlewitch

Sat, 2012-04-07 14:57

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I think WonderGolly said it all :) (and I know that feeling well!)

always, Cat

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scribbler

Sat, 2012-04-07 17:58

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I'm a sucker for short poems. Probably because mine ramble on and on and.........Anyhow the only addition I would suggest is to consider adding Just in front of melt in next to last line. Structurally you could use the form to reinforce the last line in something like this:
Until
there's
..n
..o
,, t
.. h
.. i
..n
..g
....left

But that's just an off the cuff idea..........stan

Nordic cloud

Sun, 2012-04-08 15:44

Nordic cloud's picture

or just

until there's
nothing
left.

Nordic cloud.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

judyanne

Sun, 2012-04-08 15:49

judyanne's picture
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with either scribbles or annanya
don't add anything to this
it is perfect as is
love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Nordic cloud

Mon, 2012-04-09 06:14

Nordic cloud's picture

Here here now, one can be over-pretentious sometimes with poetry
where the straight forward simple statement
has enough in it to make the right impact.

So be it. Nordic cloud. annanya

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

or12

Thu, 2012-04-26 04:37

It's simplicity makes it unique.

Andrew

AnnaNJ

Thu, 2012-04-26 11:54

AnnaNJ's picture

thank you! i really appreciate it.

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