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Medication Nation

She woke up in the morning
Took a pill she took everyday
"Meds knew what to do,
They knew what to say. "

Everyone took them
Mostly her foes
side affects we're strong
As they all now know

The pill took her life
And weight loss took cold
Her legs were skinny
Her skin grey, and cold

It's not too bad
She always said with a grin
A pill help her be better
The pill helped her win

Now the standard is up
For the ones that turn away
Normal isn't good enough
So take one pill everyday

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 


This is the first time that I'm reading your post although I understand you have been here for about 6 months or so. I notice that this a rough draft, so you will surely be tweaking this up, e.g. in S2 L 2, i think you can do away the apostrophe in "we're" if you mean "were". In S3 do you mean to to say "The pill took [on] her life to indicate the control the pill had on her life? Similarly to avoid repetition of "cold" in the same Stanza in L2 you could swap cold with hold...

A pill help her be better
The pill helped her win

could be

A pill made her feel better
it helped her to always win

Just a few is a good theme and you have really created the poem well

raj (sublime_ocean)

i greatly like this line...

its like a dialogue and title and song even

"why cant you just be normal"
my mother..but then she loved that i was not.
and there were things i did not agree with
in the normal

for behind all normal sets and lovely books
were the real creatures

lately with the voice readings here on neo
i think of the speeches of the historical
figures beyond twenty years..

try to imagine JFK reading this on a
cold april inagural adresse

if poetry was a tonic for hurtin souls
the pharma companies would
have the gov board up shop

the legal dealers
for all escapees
and detainees
from the
land of gods and monsters

its like normal was and is the
horrible nightmare
and the scary horrible ride
is the comfort lah lah land

dispense legal addiction
and go round and round

thats so crazy a metaphor
its almost normal

thank you!

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