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In Medias Res -RE-WRITE

Submitted by Geremia on Sun, 2013-03-17 12:02

IN MEDIAS RES

I take the moments as they come
and when the moment is kind
I ride the wind in furious flow
as far as my ecstasy will go.

But when the sickness strikes
I no longer have a voice to sing
frozen in fear and desolaton.
I wait pretending
holding on to my soul
as long as I can
until
I start to live
again

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Jenifer James

Sun, 2013-03-17 18:52

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This poem made me feel uneasy. I stopped, read it again and breathed. As a rough draft, it's a poem with life. rough drafts - to me - mean they haven't yet been cleaned up and crafted. They are the birthing, like a wood carver examines a piece of wood or bark and begins their work of astonishment. This another poem I would love to see worked on and your journey with it.
xxx

Jenifer Jaspa James

Geremia

Sun, 2013-03-17 20:16

Geremia's picture

Thanks, Jennifer. I will work on it. Any specific elements I should change? This is good critique.

author comment

Ian.T

Mon, 2013-03-18 05:05

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A change from your all doom ones, you have put in that spark which you feel on good days, it makes this one cover a few things.
Loved it and that new way of yours in the last few works,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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