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May Be May Be Not

Between dawn and dusk
a lot happens in our world
is night a reprieve?

the moon keeps up the vigil
till the sun rises again

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Editing stage: 

Comments

Raj... loved the tanka and language used.
If you could find an alternative for "does" may be "keeps up", unless you want it for the purpose of emphasis.

I really like the thought you put there and the optimistic view.
Best regards.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Thanks for the visit, Good to know you found it thought provoking. Appreciate your comment. I deleted the word "does" as proposed by you. However, i don't think it would be right to use "keeps up". Therefore altered the line without affecting the vowel count. Do you think it to be better now?

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

to mean "maintain" or "preserve"
as I understand the line.
Anyway it certainly flows well after the edit.
Well done!!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Thanks for coming back. I was apprehensive whether "keeps up" is colloquially right. But on second thoughts I feel it does, so i have adopted your suggestion in toto. Thanks again.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

happy you thought it sounds well.
Thanks for sharing Raj.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

for your approving comment.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

This one touches on the profound, beautiful, nothing to critique its a gem as it sits, what a wonderful poem, I am inspired ...

much love and hugs Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Your visiting this poem considering all that you are enduring these days in itself is beyond words to express how good I feel and to know that you found it profound gives me joy ...i can't thank you enough...

be well soon..

much love and warm hugs...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

This is a profound! And the title ( I think ) is in answer to the question you pose - I guess people would answer that question differently! The sun and moon are dancing partners waltzing the dance of life! ( I don't know if that made sense but it sounded good! ) Lol

I just loved this tanka

Love Mand xxxx

Thank you for your comment and to know that you liked this Tanka and found it to be profound...

Much love...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

post this earlier ? lovely vigil though
the moons
sublime!

No Lovedly, I don't remember having written this one earlier..so don't remeber either of posting it earlier..

Thanks for the visit and your comment...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

at times i day dream
regards Raj
ur sublime
some day come
and
with me have some red wine

Good work raj, liked this a lot. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

for your time and encouraging comment.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment
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