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Mathematics
when my thoughts
drown in debts
and doubts,
too great to count.
when my ills look more,
and endlessly mount,
I take a few moments,
to count the blessings I have,
and find,
they are uncountable too.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
Palestine
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I appreciate poetry that, deals with human feelings, pains and problems.
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Comments
judyanne
Wed, 2012-11-07 09:12
yes i like this rula
especially the end - makes it memorable imo
just a few suggestions
when your thoughts
drown in debts
and doubts,
that you can't count. (too great to count)
when your ills look more,
and endlessly they mount, (drop ‘they)
take few moment, (take a few moments)
to count the blessings you have,
find out; (drop ‘out’)
they are uncountable too.
- just suggestions as you know
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Rula
Wed, 2012-11-07 10:50
Thanks judy
great suggestions . I believe they make a difference.
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author commentGeezer
Wed, 2012-11-07 12:43
Great...
poem Rula! I think Judy is right on both counts. Beautiful work and the critique was right on!
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Rula
Wed, 2012-11-07 14:57
Gee!
words that I really appreciate . Thanks for reading and dropping such a great comment!
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author commentweirdelf
Wed, 2012-11-21 04:19
Oh 'ware the second person!
It becomes so easily preachy or (retch) inspirational. Poets don't tell people what to do, they show what can be.
Consider this presumptuous re-write-
when my thoughts
drown in debts
and doubts,
too great to count.
when your ills look more,
and endlessly mount,
I take a few moments,
to count the blessings I have,
and find,
they are uncountable too.
cheers,
Jess
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Rula
Wed, 2012-11-21 12:14
Retch! TY!
Thanks for reading and for the suggestion . You've got a point indeed which I appreciate.
I edited accordingly.
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