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Mathematics

Submitted by Rula on Wed, 2012-11-07 09:04

when my thoughts
drown in debts
and doubts,
too great to count.

when my ills look more,
and endlessly mount,

I take a few moments,
to count the blessings I have,

and find,
they are uncountable too.

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Workshop:

Mindful Memorable Freeform: The Challenge

Comments

judyanne

Wed, 2012-11-07 09:12

yes i like this rula

Workshop critique:

Mindful Memorable Freeform: The Challenge

especially the end - makes it memorable imo
just a few suggestions

when your thoughts
drown in debts
and doubts,
that you can't count. (too great to count)

when your ills look more,
and endlessly they mount, (drop ‘they)

take few moment, (take a few moments)
to count the blessings you have,

find out; (drop ‘out’)
they are uncountable too.

- just suggestions as you know
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Rula

Wed, 2012-11-07 10:50

Thanks judy

great suggestions . I believe they make a difference.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Geezer

Wed, 2012-11-07 12:43

Great...

poem Rula! I think Judy is right on both counts. Beautiful work and the critique was right on!
You are making a name for yourself here. You fit your profile well. ~ Gee

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Rula

Wed, 2012-11-07 14:57