Mary had an UGLY babe,
It was a horrid sight;
The obstetrician fainted with a moan
And the midwife died of fright.

When Mary first saw her child
She screamed for two whole hours
And her husband's shocked reaction was
"Please God, don't say it's ours."

Breast-feeding wasn't very nice:
It was a gruesome task;
Mary could only face the job
If the baby wore a mask.

The matron came around to see
If she could offer aid and succour;
She yelled out when she saw the kid,
"What an ugly little fucker."

A learned paediatrician came along
And gave his expert view:
"You could put it in a freak show,
Or maybe sell it to a zoo."

The couple took their baby home
To their grotty Council flat;
The baby's face stopped all the clocks
And paralysed the cat.

The years went by and Mary was
A good and caring mother
But she wisely never took the risk
Of producing baby's brother.

The babe grew up to be a man
Through a life of verbal injury
And he took his life aged twenty one
All because his hair was gingery.