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To Mary

O' Mary Mary
Our love was once pure
O' Mary Mary
Our love was once my cure
O' Mary Mary
How do things change
O' Mary Mary
How are love is no more

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
See this poem through the eyes of someone who once loved, and knows the pain of losing that person he loved, knowing that they are both hurting
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

is a bit ambiguous, but still very apt. There isn't much to the piece and so not much of a chance to assess the rhythm, pace or
pattern, but the logic and theme come through. BTW your use of [are], should be replaced with [our]. ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I like what you have here so far. it sounds lyrical, you have got a good beat going. I would like to encourage you to expand and develop it, as I know you have more to say. good luck to you, should you decide to do so.

I feel that the title is just okay. this is a beautiful poem, it deserves a beautiful title. suggestions: Marry My Lost Love, To Mary. My Heart And Soul. something that reflects the passion and longing of the poem.
nice to meet you!

*hugs, Cat

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And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

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