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Married to Loss

I was balanced
between grief and rage
anger tore at me
sadness overwhelmed

I begged god for release
praying for forgiveness
absence haunted and yes
it was all about me me me

why me? but then why not
gazing further I saw the end
nudging at minutes
moving hours

I reconciled with death
fighting and hiding
sparring and parrying
my pain was married

it’s about living and knowing
to have the grace to concede
it was never about winning
but the struggle to survive

I found peace in loss
finding the emptiness
was all that was
and ever will be

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Last few words: 
right now I am writing for myself I would as always love your opinion but if what I am writing has no merit or appeal to others I could understand it, at the moment its all about me ;)
Editing stage: 

Comments

Loss is always a window into what we are, be it our loss, or the loss of a friend or member of the family.
The old Cliche about time healing, most times true but used badly by some that don't know what to say.
There is no cure for loss it just happens, it is the way we deal with it that counts, I hope that I can say to you that you have people all over the world at the end of a keyboard , that can hold you when things are not good.
Take care young Lady and know that we are here with you always.
Yours Ian.T , Anne, and all the children that gather around us where you are and here with us.
"And Me" I hear very clearly and it is my bestest girl Sadie, standing there with her lovely Jello dress and golden hair.
Night Night xx

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

You know my story better than most I am no different from anyone else we all experience loss in our lives, for me the last few years it just seems like never ending loss sometimes it overwhelms at other times I find a measure of peace. I don't handle loss well I never have I guess its one of my flaws I have always felt too deeply and I find it hard to change that I am getting too old to change now

I find when others are grieving the best I can offer is a hug and help in whatever way I can the words come in my poetry. I speak here in a way I cannot elsewhere

I am blessed to have friends here that care and have stood by me through some really hard times I haven't been around much the last 12 months but I hope in the coming year I can find more time for the site I miss writing when I am not here I love the feedback and I value my friends

much love always Jayne-Chloe xxxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

Even if it's for personal reasons you are writing, i still love reading your work. Love Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

There was a time not too long ago that I stopped writing but it drew me back I have unfinished business in words I am just happy that you enjoy reading that gives me hope I am on track to writing some of my best stuff again and maybe even better, its all there I just need to let it go

thanks for your read and support its always appreciated

much love Jayne-Chloe xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

Poetry can be therapeutic - For those of us who read - we enter into your world / psyche. Knowing your journey helps us to understand you and ourselves ( through your experience ) a little better.

Love your poems Jayne - they are honest and so well written!

I hope you had a lovely holiday and go on to have a happy new year!

Peace always.

Love Mand xxxxx

Poetry is like prayer for me peaceful and its a release of a kind

I am glad you like my poems Mand its always wonderful to know that people enjoy what you put so much time into writing

I had a very quiet holiday I was on my own for some of it all the kids are grown now and they have girlfriends and boyfriends and new families to spend time with its my turn again next year

I hope you have a wonderful new year hun ill be round to read some of what youhave been writing later on its really hot here tonight and I cant sleep so I plan to spend some time here

love and hugs Jayne-Chloe xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

loss....
i felt it...feel it at times..
Joseph Rambough wote a book
called the black marble..
cop book california

russian character come to america
like the emigrant
beliefs
society etc

empathic and humor filled
bitter are the thorns
we grow sometimes
that hard carapace
but the heart always
trumps these

if its allowed

poetry writing is something
that will last beyond me\
i just dig in and realize
that i will be doing this
till the end
this writing

i pulled in and grew thorns
i dont reach out but everyone
knows i have a softness
inside
like poetry i gift them
with efforts

like drops of rain
in a parched time
kindness and emotion
giving
softness

i try to keep the beauty
the softness
but thorns are survival
and so are the blooms
beautiful and delicate

after all the hard hits
its like

wow that was harsh and brutal
but this little note or thought is
beautiful

lately its been random
trips on the bus teaching me patience
watching others not as mobile
struggling too
working hard to be friendly
or kindness

life is painful at times
ideals principles
flexiblity
aging

my peers whom are hardcore but with good hearts
are like..

to me say
you were kind then..
could you do this again
when im hurting
take that moment outside yourself
like you did once before

and they work hard at coming to me
because im complex and basically
harsh at times
and give me the soft rain
of empathy

despite the thorns

hurt fear.....
the unknown

i like irises
the purple ones
because i like that colour of dusk
a calm moment
that i like

i dont meditate at all
other then my little electric
candle flickering in this
paper scented shade
long since evaporated
its purpose is my calming
moment when i type
just the screen of the old
tower monitor or the
laptop screen
or now the small hand held
device in public wi fi places

im fifty what do i know of
life.....ha ha nothing
lots about grating on the system
causing sparks

but inevitable i still have that
spark flickering in me

i like your writing
its soft....lacy
romantic
at times
and hard introspective
also...
a mix

thank you for your honesty
and writing jayne and being
here commenting on my work
through the years also

the electronic world where
at least others know how we
think..feel ..struggle..emote
the highs and roll of a good
moment....and the set down
thinking harsh times too..\\\
neopoet....

i like how we are so not commercial
and old school that there is not even
a web site app.....

nope you gotta sign and sit down
to read...like walking up on a porch
and pulling up a chair or sitting
on the old couch

staring into the heat nodding and
going

yep....

or watching the rain drip from the
eaves with a well placed sigh

its a marriage alright
but there is something about
loyalty eh

thank you jayne

Getting through each day
has been difficult
I have had some bad times
over the last few years
but I have to say
the last few weeks have tested me
and my sanity
(even more than when I was sick)
and continues to do so

I've been writing and writing
and like you I will be writing
to the very end
its not therapy
but its holding me together
keeping me focused
when everything else
has fallen apart
I find solace in words
even if its just trying to
express my pain

but through all of it this
my friends here
have been a constant
and always supportive
even in my crazy moments

you know (I hope)
how much I enjoy your writing
sometimes I have to read
a few times to capture
every nuance
every beautiful phrase

your poetry is stripped
beautifully bare
in all its honesty
but I always get it
sometimes I laugh
sometimes I cry
you always evoke an emotion
or a thought
and you always inspire me
to be a better poet

coming here for me is in a way
like coming home
sitting on the virtual verandah
all of us bringing our words
to share with the whole world
there are no borders
there are no limits
we are free to write truthfully
without fear of recourse

loss ...
I am finding it hard
to put into words
the depth of my sadness
so I continue to try and write
I hide my pain under a metal veil
rarely expressing it except in my poetry
I will be 45 this year
and I am getting softer as I grow older
my sons tell me to harden the fuck up
joking and always being there for me
trying to cheer me up
and my daughter ? god that girl is an angel
for putting up with a mad mother like me
and only for my kids sakes
I am trying to keep it
all together

you know I don't know
if there is a certain amount of tears
that one has to shed in a lifetime
I think I am way over my quota

thank you for your visit Steven
it meant the world to me
more than you could know

much love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

Hi Jayne,

I too haven't been able to get here for more than a year and have missed reading content published by Members. I have almost always loved reading your posts. In this one you have used poetry as a medium to unwind your emotions. I hope it has helped you to somewhat get out of the tangle. ,,,raj

raj (sublime_ocean)

Long time no see my friend it was a surprise and a pleasure to see your comment, this poem is as I was very mixed up, I may try and rewrite it sometime in the future there are lots of places that I need to work on but for now I am just writing to vent and keep it together as best I can I will be reading a little tonight I will have a look and see if you've posted anything

much love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

The idea that words sound good doesn't make a poem good. This write for instance hangs on to the opening far too long and avoids getting to the thrust of what the title tries to guide us toward, i.e that the writer is married to loss. The first two opening stanzas could be cut without the poem losing anything of consequence the fourth merely says " my pain was married " but fails to attach the statement to anything the reader can identify to what is the question in the readers mouth - then the two closing stanzas fail to build on the third stanza and take the poem away from the title which wasn't explained to another question altogether. Its too mixed up to make any sense. In my opinion this is truly over written and could quite easily be edited down to a single stanza of five lines.
jimm

it’s about living and knowing
to have the grace to concede
it was never about winning
but the struggle to survive

There are those . my Jayne, that have missed the point, Poetry is truth. We don't count the words, This, again, struck me deeply, I KNOW what it is,

Love from your Joe

I'm writing in my circle of hell I guess its not always coherent but I'm trying, I've lost count of how many poems I've written in the last week and a half a lot of it jibberish I am just posting the best of a bad lot lol

Thank you for understanding but then you always have

With much love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

Look behind you . I am right there with you.

Then you can see my pain and my tears its nice to know I'm not alone

Love your Jayne always xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

If this is the best of a bad lot, then I may as well stop writing, for I will never be as good as this.
Writing for yourself?
Is there any other good reason, to write?

with much love,

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Smile you already write better than this, in my opinion, and yes this is selfish writing for myself and I posted maybe because I thought someone might relate and read...

thanks for taking the time to read I am happy you liked it my friend

much love always JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

relationships.....i have the same one with life as with others..
people like me...my brain is fast..
i bitch a lot but can do a lot,,
six foot two big hulking beast...
but a pussycat....there are meaner
more direct....pure animal..

a lot of these women i know
make cookies and cakes for work
like splendor girl girl things
intimates
jackets
pink nike joggers

i read harlequin and buy hallmark
cards all the time
try and write that stuff
its hard

i read tom clancy too

poetry is not a raw popped out
oyster shucked from the shell
(those are delicious....flown in on ice
from the box...been there done that)

doesnt always have to be this..
what of the lace...and flowers
softness...

im soft and mushy and im not afraid
of this at times
tenderness is a value
not a fear

not for this dude anyway..

getting my ass kicked to get this
painting shipped out
gotta move and groove
babycakes..

Mr Esker

No, no divorce poem I never married him
so I am spared that...There are about 14 poems
I wrote about our breakup I don't know
that I will ever post most of them
they are too sharp in some ways
maybe too revealing in their honesty

I am both hard and soft
it depends on who you ask
my kids think I am a pushover
my friends think I am a bit of a hardass
the people who really know me
know there are depths
if you look past the mask
there is a wonder
in the world and its inhabitants,
I am easily awed by small
miracles of beauty
people in need
I take in to my home
giving them a bed and food
and the love of a friend
the people who really
appreciated it
they made all the sacrifices
we made worthwhile
I will never regret
holding out my hand

my kids grew up with many
different people living with them
they are all very outgoing
and they love to live life
I think that my giving help
so many people gave the kids
compassion and kindness
and a love of people
in general,
they are all good men and
my lone daughter is the star
in my night, she's just special
to everyone that knows her

you know
I say things in words
here,
that I cant express
with my voice,
here ;)

work that out

hope you got the painting out
on time, take care

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

mirage oceans and oasis stars on ponds of life....
absence makes the heart grow fonder....

scrapes..collisions and filling hearts and lives like water
that submergence chilled and thrilling
dive deep from a cliff..
stand alone with a pack....all that miles before and beyond
reaching.....

most of the women i met give and gave or
worked at helping make the world a better place
with hands out......
sometimes those arriving took a portion of heart
with them....even if they asked not for this..
generosity in the hope of the voyage
it would find a place

all this i know well..
thats why i like the writing and writer
this poem..

i used to have beautiful books
and a damp winter due to no money to
turn up the heat destroyed them all..
moving from archive into active was my
lesson from that was..
not just coveted on a shelf
but risked in the open
becoming a chapter in my own life..

fall down and skin a knee bruise
a heart...ouch ouch and damn!

thank you..

There is a place I go
In memory
its warm, sandy, and brilliantly
beautiful

there are the people
I have loved the most
in my life
the ones who kicked my ass
when I needed it
the ones who hugged me when
I needed it most

One day I would love
to do charity work
I have a few ideas
spend my last years
helping people
chronicling their lives
and struggled in words
in words

Smile I used to have hundreds
of books but two breakups
and missing boxes and lending them
have depleted them over time
I am slowly finding books
that I used to cherish but lost

I had a flood in one of my homes
about 15yrs ago and lost about 200 then

I hope your having a good week

take care

love and hugs JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment
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