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The March Of The Chocolate Soldier

I had a chocolate soldier
He had a chocolate heart;
He had a chocolate lady fair,
They never were apart.

They marched out in the morning
As daytime had begun
And there, beneath a cloudless sky,
They melted in the sun.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
With Teddy and Mark on the subject of children's poems I'll offer one of mine to add to the collection. It is from a book of 'Nursery Stories' written by myself long ago. It is short and sweet and very, very sad so please be prepared for tears. My compliments to all at Neo, Alan.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Very nice tale

Romeo and Juliet for children?
I must have writ a thousand and one rhyming nursery stories for children. With a little luck they have fallen asleep before the end.

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Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment

only thing I have written specifically for children is A POEM FOR CHRISTMAS EVE. Writing for children takes a knack I lack

Hi Alan, I love your little rhyming poem for children. I hope they were given a chocolate after hearing it.
BTW, that's how my mother taught me English, with simple poems from books with marvellous illustrations. Some were illustrated by Gustave Doré for The Ancient Mariner; and a series of talented artists for the Alice tales and poetry. She gave me a simple tale about Jesus, with little drawings. Children learn by heart first, then they begin to understand and finally to associate. Before you know it, they're reading without any knowledge of grammar, same as with speaking.
Hope you bring on more. I like to be reminded of my childhood. Best, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

I'm pleased that you enjoyed my chocolate soldier. To write children's things it is imperative that you get the rhyming correct. That is how they learn and remember poems. The poem should be quite short also. I think you once mentioned your antics with ponies when you were a child so here is another little piece from my book, especially for you. I don't know if it is the same in other countries but here in the UK no self respecting seaside resort would be without a string of adorable donkeys for children to ride across the sands.
So here goes:-

DONKEY RIDING BY THE SEA

Donkey riding on the beach,
Too long stirrups, out of reach,
Nowhere left to rest your toes,
Too late now as off she goes.

Donkey riding on the sands,
Reins have fallen, look no hands,
Trotting faster round and round,
Sitting helpless on the ground.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment

Dearst Alan, this is absolutely delightful. Not to mention delicious, you have brought the kid out in me tonight as I laughed a lot. Of course I feel sorry for them, they had a tough end. So endearing and humorous. Can you write a new one for the ginger bread man? I have worn myself out reading that over the years ( hugs)

Thank you...Teddy

Nothing wrong with children's stories for adults to read. I wonder if you laughed yourself to sleep.

Here's one from my book for you.:-

TEDDY AND THE PUPPY

Teddy bear fell from his chair
And tumbled to the floor.
He looked around, there on the ground,
And felt where he was sore.

So Freddie pup then picked him up
And put him back in place,
Where Freddie sat with Teddy
And licked him on his face.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment

Thank you. You should maybe try writing the Cadbury book of myths.

Sweet and easier for children and adults. I reckon you could do it with the up most expertise.

Thank you...Teddy

short and sweet(pardon the pun) but how very sad not quite sure how I feel about that lol

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are sad Chrys. What about 'Jack and the Bean Stalk'? that's pretty scary.

I've found you one from my book too:-

THE MORNING FISHERMAN

A fisherman is stood beside
The flowing river, deep and wide.
Casting outward with his line
In the morn at half past nine.

He gets a bite at half past ten
He reels it in to shore and then
He draws the rod up to his chin
When, such a splash ~ he's fallen in.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment

how awful note only an adult can see the horror in a child's story As with cartoons a child does not see the violence until an adult points it out eample being the road runner or Elmore Fudd

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