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A MAN HAS TO FIND HIS OWN HOME

I did not leave home because I wanted to
I left home because I needed to survive
And like the little cub that leaves the pride
I'll return when my manes are thick.

My society named me 'A Man'
And teach that I may not cry
So when a fire is stuck in my throat,
That like a dragon I may not breath
That which might burn my rigid culture to rubles
I force it down to my stomach.

In the end, can you explain vividly to me
When I fart,
How can it not consume the environment?

So when the voices of my cousins roll over the phone
With one beckoning me to 'Come back home, we miss you.'
I remember I am a man,
And a man has to find his own home.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Loved it! right up until you farted.

Obi.

Hello!
Your poem is strong, and feels very proud and poignant at the same time. It leaves me wanting to know more, and what happens now. The poem is very moving, but I was puzzled by the third verse - it has a different language and mood and left me a bit confused. The other verses are so powerful, I wonder if it is truly necessary.
Thank you!
Lavender

Duplicate
Hello!
Your poem is strong, and feels very proud and poignant at the same time. It leaves me wanting to know more, and what happens now. The poem is very moving, but I was puzzled by the third verse - it has a different language and mood and left me a bit confused. The other verses are so powerful, I wonder if it is truly necessary.
Thank you!
Lavender

Duplicate
Hello!
Your poem is strong, and feels very proud and poignant at the same time. It leaves me wanting to know more, and what happens now. The poem is very moving, but I was puzzled by the third verse - it has a different language and mood and left me a bit confused. The other verses are so powerful, I wonder if it is truly necessary.
Thank you!
Lavender

Duplicate
Hello!
Your poem is strong, and feels very proud and poignant at the same time. It leaves me wanting to know more, and what happens now. The poem is very moving, but I was puzzled by the third verse - it has a different language and mood and left me a bit confused. The other verses are so powerful, I wonder if it is truly necessary.
Thank you!
Lavender

Duplicate
Hello!
Your poem is strong, and feels very proud and poignant at the same time. It leaves me wanting to know more, and what happens now. The poem is very moving, but I was puzzled by the third verse - it has a different language and mood and left me a bit confused. The other verses are so powerful, I wonder if it is truly necessary.
Thank you!
Lavender

a good theme and I saw the sarcasm in it. A couple of typos, but nothing serious. The word you are looking for, is rubble not rubles. And you don't need the word vividly, when asking for the description. I understand that you are probably using a phone to work from and that can be very difficult. pretty good job. ~ Geezer.
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Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

I will edit and put in all the recommendations...

Hommies

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