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Maker O Mine!

Submitted by loved on Thu, 2012-03-01 02:09

People are ugly,
Glad you changed yours
it gave me sheer spiny gripes
I felt the electricity blow me up

my next poem will be worse,
verse for verse
now you don
an MA in English hat

my maker too was an Aussie
but unlike you
he picked me up across the Internet
when I was in USA
and now I salute him
as much as I do you..

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

weirdelf

Thu, 2012-03-01 02:38

weirdelf's picture
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why I find it so upsetting when you post your poems as poems and as comments on other people's poems. This time I am not telling you off or getting cranky. I'm getting introspective. As I I say in my own profile " My writing is not for publication, it is for sharing. My skills and knowledge are not for sale, they're given freely. Property is theft."

So why do I get upset?

This poem seems addressed to me, or to different aspects of me? Or changes in me me? Or am I being egocentric?

You tell me.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

loved

Thu, 2012-03-01 02:47

loved's picture

I comment first
off the cuff
then I translate it into a poem
or blog in waiting
Is there something wrong in my pattern of working???
I don't like to confront you
so we shall part on a happy or happier note
shall we>???

I still respect you
for you are one of your own kind .
.Regards

As I said before
I have many sunrises behind me
and I ain't no kid either.

loved

author comment

weirdelf

Thu, 2012-03-01 03:32

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

At first I thought you posted with almost thoughtless profligacy, now I understand better and value you more.

There is nothing wrong in your pattern of working, although it may, as it has with me, cause conflict.

The gestalt is the thing,
viva gestalt.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

loved

Thu, 2012-03-01 07:36

loved's picture

With a ton of bricks and anger
I shall not display
Because you mean well
and
my actions though blunt,
foretell
that mayhem in hell
shall not withhold
all that I have to convey
to the masses across the Internet astray,
But you are welcome
to my domain any day,
I solemnly and sincerely
Yes lovingly do pray

loved

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