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Magnesuim Anger...

Submitted by Geezer on Thu, 2017-04-13 13:32

Bubbling up, searing my nerves
It flares suddenly, without warning
The brightness of it scares me

So volatile, vulgar and crude
Painting my face with the heat of it
The camouflage of decency wiped away

I want to scream obscenities
Shock the world
Express my rage

Rabid dogs stand in the road
Slavering and foaming at the mouth
No longer sleeping

Wipe out the singularities
Make them pay for being different
Fuck that tolerance bullshit!

Kill, kill, kill them all...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Been watching too many newscasts lately. Had to get that out of my system! I'm okay now. At least for awhile.
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Eumolpus

Thu, 2017-04-13 16:50

Eumolpus's picture

We all understand your revulsion in a world gone wild. May I offer this, from Sept. 1, 1939 by WH AUDEN. It was a different time, but the same...

All I have is a voice
To Undo the folded lie,
The romantic lie in the brain
Of the sensual man-in-the- street
And the lie of Authority
Whose buildings grope the sky:
There is no such thing as the State
And no one exists alone;
Hunger allows no choice
To the citizen or the police;
We must love one another or die.

I am currently in process of becoming a poetry therapist, and part of the function of poetry is to mash out that pain deep inside with words. You are a poet, you have successfully done that.
But also as poet I find it's good to find patience with your rage, so it can be sculpted. Personally, I would end the poem with "no longer sleeping"...
About the title...looked it up, 9th most abundant element in the universe etc...used as laxatives..
not sure about how that works, other than it does sound good..I've never heard of anger that way..
hope this helps

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Geezer

Fri, 2017-04-14 10:53

Geezer's picture
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but Magnesium! A very light-weight, silver colored, malleable metal that burns with a fierce and bright flame. However, I do find the notion of Magnesia anger, a bit humorous. I suppose that it might be construed as using too much laxative and having a problem in that respect. LOL
The verse: Rabid dogs stand in the road
Slavering and foaming at the mouth
No longer sleeping

refers to the despots and terrorists that no one heard of before, standing in the way of world peace and the old adage: "Let sleeping dogs lie". The last verse is meant to turn the doctrines of said groups against them. I may have to look at that and try to make clear the intent. Thank you for the read and comments. ~ Gee.
.

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author comment

wesley snow

Fri, 2017-04-14 16:46

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Long time.
An angry poem indeed.
It's a bit of how I feel right now.
No suggestions. I've been gone to long to dare something like that.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Geezer

Fri, 2017-04-14 19:40

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yourself! How ya been? Yeah, sometimes I get the feeling that I should blow off a little steam
so that I don't self-destruct. Killer has taken a hiatus and left no forwarding address. I know that he'll be back, but not sure when. What? The suggestions or the freedom to write whatever you want? Thought you knew the answer to that! This is Neo! This is what we do; give good criticism and write what we want! So glad to see you back! Hope that you're going to write some and mentor the shit out of some of the people here. ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

wesley snow

Sat, 2017-04-15 15:19

wesley snow's picture
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Kieth and I may be able to put together a workshop on (of all things) meter. It has been two years since we last broached that subject and I am pestering the hell out him to go ahead with it post haste.
I hope he doesn't kill me for announcing it preemptively
You must join if only to support him in his first workshop.
He is a smart cookie and well versed. More than I, I would suspect..

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Esker

Sat, 2017-04-15 12:04

Esker's picture

a rock ballad from nineties or better...
my woman is very very brilliant
den mother to hard core homies
from small mining town
suffered no fools
great heart...

magnesium...super lightweight metal
for speed and for aircraft shaves off
hundreds of pounds so you can lift
cargo..soldiers..fuel...
but with anything saved..somethings
are given...
frame construction in the iroquis
bell hueys of sixties...trucks of the skies
they burned like banshees with
metal piercing tracers and exploding
shells...combined with the kerosene
fuel on ruptured tanks..
didnt even come close to the napalm
developed in late forties
.
we got soldiers here..they give em
worker dogs
kind of a neat idea..
or the gangs absorb em
put em to work
keep an eye on em
like they did post world war
two and korea and then
vietnam and then post bosnia
suburbia doesnt understand
what they feel

me..never saw combat
hung out with those that
did....chummed with street
organized...
etc...i talk to all..
lived for a spell at most
levels..
acceptance that we are
but small cells on the
skin of the beast is best

but one....can make a
difference

like that the emotive creative
work of your pen is here
I do relate brother

thank U Gee

Mr Wolf!

Geezer

Sat, 2017-04-15 13:41

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have associated with many different life-styles and people are pretty much the same all over the spectrum of man. We all seem to crave the companionship of like-minded people, no matter the social shelf we happen to be on. If there are none in the monetary niche that we occupy, we manage to bridge the gap. It would seem though, most poets [not all] in the service mankind [delivering our messages] are not well paid. One can make a difference, if they band together with others. Every group is peopled by individuals. Love that you feel the emotions I write about. I try hard to get them out and let the reader know that they are not alone. ~ Gee, Bro-in-Arms.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment
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