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Lover's note

Submitted by loved on Tue, 2014-05-13 09:58

no one owns you
by now
so many would have shared
but one truth you convey
love alone can be shared

in real earnestness
when two souls are compared
to a pair of flowers
swaying in the sunny breeze

you two give us all such a thought
as one's love
is in the air
who soever may we be
do with us your secret love share

then notes we will compare
who amongst us
is a better pair

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

weirdelf

Thu, 2014-05-15 07:06

weirdelf's picture
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Lovers do not compare the better pair.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

loved

Thu, 2014-05-15 11:47

loved's picture

meaning good ...bad or indifferent.....

loved

author comment

weirdelf

Thu, 2014-05-15 13:12

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

"then notes we will compare
who amongst us
is a better pair"

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

loved

Thu, 2014-05-15 15:38

loved's picture

redo and not compare
if that's your wish too

loved

author comment
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