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The Lover Man

The sun would wait before it sun down
such elegant appearance,
is just passing by,
it will attract a lot
of eye ball
a heavy weight champion beauty queen,
My love is heavier than the armors
i am certainly sure,
i shall fight your battles
i will break down all your foes
you shall see victory
in my eyes
when i see you again

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 


Welcome to the site!

Your content is good but you lost me
on the delivery ... advise; write your
words to express the music of language.

First sentence, it doesn't make sense the
way it is written, important to grab your
reader from the beginning.

Correction taken. Thanks Sir, Themoonman

Ibe Frederick

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