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The Lovely Mermaid

there she sat out on the barren sea
salt air with a voice of care for sure
seeped through the water of desolve,
she was the crown jewel of the equator
basking in the vast expanse between time and space
her warm heart would leave a trace make no mistake
swimming through the currents flowing tide
elevate her composition in the mind's eye

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Comments

it stays focused, it creates a nice space and uses imagination well. It's allegorical but seems real.
And nice music of words;

swimming through the currents flowing tide
elevate her composition in the mind's eye

I would not end the poem with dot dot dot, and I would remove the one comma.

..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

thank you for your kind thoughts about piece it means a lot here

Mario Vitale

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