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LOVE TREE

The Seed of love planted by the river of amity hoping for an perpetuity life, Creating roots for the foundation of
our love.
The root of our love grows with a boundless destination in quest for
vigor not to let the tree tumble.
The tree is the love and the love is the tree.

It stem grows like a sequoia Sempervirens with a countless branches
Embellished with branches evergreen leafs,
Even though the leafs goes weary with The hefty tempest but, our love still stand with the incipiency of new leafs.
So is the love that subsist between Atanda and Agbomeire
Our tree grows forever.
Dikós èrōs eínia pánta.

Oh tree! bring forth fruit that the folks
against us may see how nutritious our love is.
Our tree is of good amidst the noxious tree that can never grow as lofty as our tree.
Show me your love with a never ending affection.
My frail heart needs you infinity palp
Love is love where love exist.

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This poem explains the love that exists between ATANDA and AGBOMEIRE, the love was represented by a tree
Editing stage: 
Contest: 

Comments

I really like your poem and welcome to Neopoet!

The Sequoia sempervirens is a superb choice! It is the sole living species of the genus Sequoia in the cypress family Cupressaceae. It is an evergreen, long-lived, monoecious tree living 1,200–1,800 years or more, it includes the tallest living trees on Earth, reaching up to 115.5 m in height and up to 8.9m in diameter at breast height (dbh). These trees are also among the oldest living things on Earth. Interestingly it is also hermaphroditic... you might want to consider that.

I am doing a reading to point out the biggest flaw in the poem, it's meter (flow or rhythm).

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0xFHZBsfqJ7

There are a few grammatical problems, here are some suggestions, also some line breaks I feel might help. Feel free to take or leave them, they are only suggestions-

The Seed of love planted by the river of amity,
hoping for a perpetuity of life.
Creating roots for the foundation of our love.
The root of our love grows
with a boundless destination in quest for vigor,
not to let the tree tumble.
The tree is the love and the love is the tree.

Its stem grows like a sequoia Sempervirens
with countless branches,
embellished with evergreen leaves.
Even though the leaves grow weary
with the hefty tempest,
our love still stands with the incipiency of new leaves.
So is the love that subsists between Atanda and Agbomeire.
Our tree grows forever.
Dikós èrōs eínia pánta..

Oh tree! bring forth fruit
that the folks against us may see
how nutritious our love is.
Our tree is of good amidst the noxious trees
that can never grow as lofty as ours.
Show me your love with a never ending affection.
My frail heart needs you infinity palp. [palp? what is palp?]
Love is love where love exist.. .

Please translate "Dikós èrōs eínia pánta.."

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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