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A Love (Sunku)

Hold me
I may fall
Could it be love?

Those that fail
Look in my eyes

I am whole
Please fly with me

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Love this form it keeps me busy!!
Editing stage: 


Yet another gem!
I feel like a greedy collector,
I enjoy reading it.
Two things to consider, only if you would like to do so.

The first stanza is brilliant!

In the second stanza consider saying "look IN my eyes" as an invitation to fall there, what do you think?

To be consistent with logic consider replacing "let me fly" by "fly with me". What do you think?

hold me
I may fall
could it be love?

those that fail
look in my eyes

I am whole
please fly with me


Thank you for you edits I have completed them as suggested, I even tried to compile this one to your three ways for each stanza,
Have a lovely evening,
Yours Ian.x

Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

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