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Love to Love You...
Looking for love
wanting romance
I'd love to love you
just give me the chance
No one is perfect
but, I admit that you try
You can't ever achieve it
don't ask me why
I don't understand
my emotions askew
What really is love
what I'm feeling for you?
I've got control
you can't make a move
I'll hurt you, I will
but outside, I'm smooth
You never can leave
don't try to go
If you aren't where you are
I'll surely know
Just love me forever
be sure you do
Or it could be bad
I'd love to hate you
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
This was brought on by extended conversations with someone in a love/hate relationship. They had rejected another person because of possessive behavior and abuse.
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
gregwa8
Mon, 2018-07-30 02:13
Wow powerful
Wow powerful
Geezer
Tue, 2018-07-31 09:46
Thank you...
I am glad that you think it as powerful as I wanted it to be! ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Rula
Mon, 2018-07-30 04:24
Perfect start
and ending there Gee
I've just stumbled a little on what you wanted to say in these two stanzas
I've got control
you can't make a move
I'll hurt you, I will
but outside, I'm smooth
You never can leave
don't try to go
If you aren't where you are
I'll surely know
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Geezer
Tue, 2018-07-31 10:05
I was trying...
to show that this manipulator appears to be a nice person from outside the relationship, but in secret and behind closed doors, he is a controlling and hurtful person. The other stanza is meant to let the victim know, that if they aren't where they are supposed to be and where they say they are, he will know and there will be consequences! I will work on the "outside, I'm smooth", I can see where it may be a little confusing. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
raj
Mon, 2018-07-30 05:04
Hi Geezer
to me this poem is about an attempt at resurrection of love in a souring relationship...
...........................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
Geezer
Tue, 2018-07-31 10:17
You are entirely correct...
This person has refused to let go and threatened to hurt her if she tried to leave. [She did leave]. He has stayed within the law and not done anything that he can be arrested for at this point, but she is terrified that he will make good on his threats. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
raj
Tue, 2018-07-31 15:28
good to know I read it right
good to know I read it right but not good that it is based on real time in someone's life you seem to know of...
......................................................................................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
lovedly
Mon, 2018-07-30 13:40
what is love This is a question which has a million answers...
What really is love
what I'm feeling for you?
I became a Romantic poet searching hearts of lovers
great poem Geezer
Geezer
Tue, 2018-07-31 10:23
Thank you lovedly...
I'm sure that you have; in your searching of hearts, come across this kind of situation. It's sad that a person cannot understand that when the object of their affection, doesn't return their love, they have to move on and not try to use force to keep the relationship going. ~ Gee.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
tyro
Mon, 2018-07-30 14:55
very enjoyable read, only I
very enjoyable read, only I expected the last line to read, I'd hate to hate you; so I must have missed a nuance along the way.
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
Geezer
Tue, 2018-07-31 10:32
The relationship...
has been terminated from her point of view and she has left. Now, he takes great delight in making her life miserable, by threatening to keep after her until she understands how much she needs him. He has done really hateful things and I've tried to show that what he thinks is love, is just possessiveness and has turned to hate; because he cannot not have what he wants. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geezer
Wed, 2018-08-01 13:58
I'm not entirely sure...
that you are wrong, in your expectation of the last line. I will give it more thought. ~Geezer.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
lovedly
Tue, 2018-07-31 15:21
yours is an unique sample of UNREQUITED LOVE Gee
yours is an unique sample of UNREQUITED LOVE
'''It's sad that a person cannot understand
that when the object of their affection,
doesn't return their love,
they have to move on....>>>YES in love don't force let the other one realize
(THIS S OPTIONAL MANY SEPARATE)>>>>> and ''not'' try to use force to keep the relationship going. ~ Gee.
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