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Love Is Like A Butterfly

Love is like a butterfly:
small, frail and fleeting.
Hard to catch
but tell me why
we still can share this feeling?
Pray, my darling, tell me why
this moment is not fleeting?

Love is like a butterfly:
daint, dear and dancing.
Tough to tame
but tell me why
your name gets my heart ringing?
Pray, my lady, tell me why
I hear the lovebirds singing?

Love is like a butterfly:
flittering, searching, thirsting.
Unsatisfied
but tell me why
I need no other thing but you?
Pray, dear darling, tell me why
I'm nothing without you.

Love goes like a butterfly:
here, there and flirting.
Hard to tame
but tell me why
You have not left my heart the same?
Pray, dear lady, tell me why
Your love alone is tame?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Hi all! I've struggled with this poem for a while now. I liked the theme, and I thought the idea was great, but I can't seem to come up with something good. It does need a lot of work, which is why it's here now.
Editing stage: 

Comments

To start, I like the repetition of the fluttering butterfly,
as if you caught it, lost it, caught it and let it loose again,
a visiting butterfly, as you didn't feel the visit would be lasting,
just as the butterfly is used for the soul flying,
something delicate and short lived as the insect is,
and this with the uncertainty made it beautiful
through the rhythm.

I shall see if I want to say anything else about it,
needless to say I liked it
and think it worth your endeavour to get it right,
as you wish to.

I think you must be a sensitive person too...:)
Nordic cloud.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

You have seen much more than I intended. And that is a good thing.

The butterfly image does carry much more than the words spell. I'm glad you liked it. Will keep polishing this up as more critique comes (and as I learn more about love)

Thanks for dropping by.

And yes, experience has suggested that I'm quite sensitive...but no more peeking! LOL :D

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

Are you in the process of learning about love,
how lovely to see it like that,
we can learn about love all our lives
and experience many kinds of love,
many manners of expressing it,
and never cover all.

Good luck to meeting it al lot in your life.

Nordic cloud.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Thanks. Will need it.

The road to love
is riddled with
broken hearts,

and those who find
the gates to
the city of bliss
find a sign that reads:

"Door closed for maintenance"

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

make your snap more viewable ..
But comparing
LOVE ETERNAL
with a short span of life
leaves one thirsting for more ..
That the youth
now springs forth in you,
as ma'am intends
your poem in reality does
I now see love portends
great butterfly you compare with blossoming love
My name is common

loved

Seen. And what do you mean by snap?

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

meaning ,
full facial logo
since you are not
Anonymous.
like Loved

loved

Soon I'll throw back the hood,
and let the world
see my face.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

I liked the style too and the comparison of love with a butterfly...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank You Raj.

Appreciate your commenting.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

'love is like a butterfly' reminded me a little too much of the awful country song of that name

but other than that i quite liked this - good rhythm and rhyme

?typo
'daint, dear and dancing; - ?dainty

love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Nope, not a song. I haven't heard the one you're talking about, but I'll search for it.

You put another thought into my head; probably I should set the words of this to music, but that's for another time...

And thanks for spotting the typo. It should've been "daint' " with an apostrophe at the end to keep it a single syllable. :) Will edit.

O and one more thing, does this poem have any "innocent" (I lack a better word) feel to it, like something Lewis Carroll or any children's fiction writer will write?

Thanks for dropping by

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

it has a nurery-rhyme type sing -song feel
and the words are simple (not an insult) but maybe not so much children's (inho only, but lol you did ask)
as the message itself seems more like a love song to me

xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

That's exactly the kind of effect I wanted to create. :)

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment
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