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Love Battle

I'm going crazy
Not because I'm lazy
As some would think
With their timid blink

I find no solace in this place
Of mental waste
Tap dancing around hot fuses
Searching for certain muses

I shall wander around in dark places
Forever wasteful
Dwindling opportunities to be grateful
I find myself in danger

Losing myself
In twenty years of wealth
Knowing what I want, who I am
All lost in a love battle

Style / type: 
Free verse
Editing stage: 

Comments

... you mean this to be commentary on a bad relationship. I hope it's not yours. You list it as free verse, but it has a pretty good part time rhyme scheme. If you wanted to I believe you could turn "blinks" to singular "blink", catch a better rhyme and not lose the meaning or syntax. But if the rhyme is irrelevant, I wouldn't worry about it. Good poem. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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rhyme is relevant . I will make changes

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author comment

poetry makes life easier to put up with and endure

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry ~American Renga~ Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

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Were I without my epic poem to ponder each day, all day, I would stumble into walls seeking purpose and finding only life. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

not sure where I'd be today if not for poetry

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry ~American Renga~ Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

author comment

beautifully rhymed, great use of language, potent imagery.

Somehow you lost me in the last verse, especially the last line. More importantly it feels like you lost yourself. I suppose that's what you were saying, the truth, but it is so sad. I know I should only comment on the poem, not the poet, but I can't help it on this one. I have got to know you over the last 4 years and so immensely respect your beauty, strength, resilience and growth, I just wanted to hear it, not the surrender to defeat by love that the ending expresses.

That's what it is! That last line is not the truth. You may have felt that as you wrote it, but it is not the truth of you, you are much better than that. I know that.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

I have not lost myself, in moments of insanity I feel that way from time to time, thus i write what I feel for the moment.
Sometimes trying to love a person and make friends make me wanna sleep on until the resurrection where things will be better than this cold hearted world.
I fret not but move forward with my ideas and goals. I have a lot going on with creating, designing apps and software for my iPad use.
I even have idea for a computer IT professional entrepreneur job in my area.
Can't do much with my ideas when there's someone hindering your every effort with complaints, and false accusations at every turn of event.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry ~American Renga~ Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

author comment

if someone is hindering you, dump the jerk. Even if it's family [smiles]

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

I'd been gone many moons go

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry ~American Renga~ Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

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