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Love Attraction

I met you on literary platform
and I intend to ask where you from

could this be a cosmic love
or am I ruminating down from above

now I am entangled between a long distance
your love has bullied me into a sudden trance

now I am frolicking on a thin air
with a sound proof of lust and I err

if I arise above this hallucination
dare me, I will conquer your inclination

for all this cosmic love and affair
is just a cheap crawling feeling that stair

© Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu
11:07 AM, 9/2/2022

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Editing stage: 
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Not Explicit Content


Couplets. one of my favorite forms to write in.

I think your title is appropriate, the theme appealed to me, both the internal logic and ending were consistent. really liked the questioning.

my suggestions...
--S2, L2: replace "and " with "from"
--S3, L2: replace "bullet" with "bullied me" or driven me"

Very nice piece!

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Thank you so much.

"Poetic license
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

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