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Love Attraction

I met you on literary platform
and I intend to ask where you from

could this be a cosmic love
or am I ruminating down from above

now I am entangled between a long distance
your love has bullied me into a sudden trance

now I am frolicking on a thin air
with a sound proof of lust and I err

if I arise above this hallucination
dare me, I will conquer your inclination

for all this cosmic love and affair
is just a cheap crawling feeling that stair

© Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu
11:07 AM, 9/2/2022

Review Request (Intensity): 
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What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Comments

Couplets. one of my favorite forms to write in.

I think your title is appropriate, the theme appealed to me, both the internal logic and ending were consistent. really liked the questioning.

my suggestions...
--S2, L2: replace "and " with "from"
--S3, L2: replace "bullet" with "bullied me" or driven me"

Very nice piece!

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Thank you so much.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

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