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What do I mean to you?
Do I make your heart skip too?
My heart skipped when I saw you,
I really didn’t want that ‘’Deja vu”
Am beginning to feel this is really true,
That all I can ever love is you,
You let your feelings dry up under the sun like dew
I love you
So much, I love you.
Please, be my prince too,
And help me lose my glass shoes,
Even if you won’t take me to the front of the pews
I know I will lose,
But it’s you I choose,
So the question is,
‘’Am I truly beautiful to you’’

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage: 


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Now on to your poem. I write mostly in rhyme so I can appreciate how difficult it can be to maintain a rhyme as long as you did with this poem. I also like your breaking rhyme in next to last line in order to add impact to last line..............stan

to Neo. and I hope that you will write more rhyme. As Scribbler says; there are some of us that write most of our works in rhyme. We do reach out to write free style and other forms, but a lot of rhyme. It is a hard thing to do for a lengthy poem and an especially hard thing to write each and every line to rhyme with the next and making sense! I hope to see you explore some of the other types of rhyming and if you have a mind to; take advantage of some of the workshops that we have here.
Nice work ~ Geezer.

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Change the title. The most overused title and theme in poetry.
'Glass Shoes'
'Un-Deja That Vu'
something catchy.

Your rhyming skills are excellent, to improve your poetry look into meter (the 'rhythm' or 'flow') of poetry.

Neopoet Directors

Welcome to Neopoet. Three Senior Members before me have provided excellent suggestions to you which are worthy for you to consider seriously.

One suggestion I would like to add is to not feel offended by any negative critique/comment but look at it as a constructive criticism. Remember that primarily Neopoet is a workshop where poets learn, share, comment and hone their skills to get better by posting their poems as well as reading and commenting on those posted by others.....


raj (sublime_ocean)

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