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LOST RAINBOWS

I still visit here once in a while
usually in the depth of summer heat
when I feel as if I've earned a treat
and need a good reason to smile.

So I go down this narrow winding way
and cross this familiar narrow steel truss bridge
then ride about a half mile along the ridge
where white pines and hemlocks sway.

Then park where road shoulder grows wide
and the river races down below
where boulders foam and mosses grow
and cliffs brood high on the far side.

A drive descends down to the river
so I disembark and limp on down
to a spot below an old mill town
where long gone mists once made me shiver.

For well over a hundred years
a stone dam harnessed the river's flow,
lit the town and made the mill's lights glow
while propelling its shuttles and gears.

But now the dam has been torn down.
No more rainbows in the mist,
no more chill where air and water kissed.
Their absence brings a fleeting frown.

Now the river sprints with its old fevor
white water rapids boil as in the past.
Perhaps the dam was doomed to never last.
Nothing built by man will last for ever.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

A lovely walk within your memory, It is good that we take time out to be in those places.
Our thoughts keep them alive from when we were children to the now.
In our now, as we slow to winters grasp, let us sense out these places of our dreams, and the places where we would wander so.
Talk to others of this then all can join in, this keeps those places for always..
Loved the write, Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Yes it is our memories which keep the ghost of all things and people now gone alive. Appreciate your visit......stan

author comment

to accomplished poets like yourself, is to do a reading, where you can hear my stumbles over meter and even the necessity to change a word or two. So
https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/lost-rainbows-by-stan-scribbler-holliday
(did I get the picture right?, if not please upload one I can use.)
I need your permission to post this to Neopoet.com at Facebook.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

The Picture is way off. I'll get one downloaded within a week (should be able to get daughter in law to do so by then). You have my permission to post the vocals on Facebook or both once I get picture down loaded. i believe in truth in advertising lol. You know, the stumbles are actually visible on the graph which shows up. Now the question is the one I Still struggle with : is message and natural sound something which over rides perfect scansion lol..........stan

author comment

you have made an art-form of meaning over scansion.

Which is not to say that perfect scansion can't sound natural or that those who choose to shouldn't strive for it.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

But it's a struggle to try and Not break rhythm unless it's really needed in order to convey message. Or maybe I'm just lazy lol

author comment

You prefer 'the common man's' approach, using colloquial and common-usage words and 'natural sounding' forms. Nothing wrong with that.

I write even more free-form than you but have trained myself to write sonnets, even pesky villanelles, and insist on using just the right word no matter how obscure. That's my way.

Others prefer to stick to forms. Bloody good on them.

There is no right or wrong, you know that.

The only way in which I might contradict that is that I would suggest all poets learn all the tools of the trade, meter, rhyme, form the whole kit'n'caboodle, then decide how to use them.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

A break in meter or form in a western classic can emphasize a part that the writer wants emphasized (sometimes without the reader even being aware of it) just as rhyme in a free verse can either set up a following line or actually be the part of the poem we want attention drawn to.
Both types poetry are difficult to write well. Classic because it's so easy to let the rhyme over power everything and free verse because it's too easy to let chopped prose pass as actual poetry.

And i use the "common man" approach in hopes that eventually some of my scribbling might be read by the common man. Likely a forlorn hope lol

author comment

Gerard Manley Hopkins theory about 'Sprung Rhythm'. I know that sounds like anathema to you but his theories are quite simple once you grasp the terminology and he avows it is a primal poetic form, predating modern forms of meter and cadence. A much more human approach. Best to buy a book of his "Poems and Prose" but you can download as a PDF at
http://www.miradordelvalle.info/86302-download-free-pdf-torrent-gerard-m...

You only need to look up a couple of words and terms like 'logaoedic' and 'First Paeon' and it suddenly makes sense and it is beautiful. I suspect you will fall in love with the entire notion. It is liberating.
Let me know how you go with it.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I'll check local library after my imagery shop is finished. It's taking up a lot of my free time at the moment. i suspect Hopkins stumbled upon the original form of oral history before the ease of recalling rhyme was discovered.......curiosity piqued.......stan

author comment

are correct.

Man, you know I am quite excited about the idea of you writing in Sprung Rhythm. You know I don't piss in pockets but I think the two of you could be a match made in heaven. Liberating your anarchist heart from rules into a kind of primal poetic expression.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Well i don't know about that lol. I'm wondering if what I've been saying is the direction in which poetry is heading might not be something new but, rather, going back to its oldest roots....we shall see........stan

author comment

but you're not keen on dictators, eh.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Dictators I tolerate are the taters that are the size of my.........hmmmm....family site. Best shut up now lmao

author comment
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