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A Lost Love

A love that I once had
A love all-consuming
Which I believed would live forever
Perished in the rough ocean of time.

For my lover came to love another
And my joyful world came to an end,
And I cried alone in the dark
Like a little bird with broken wings.

I know there is no hope for me
And I patiently wait for poisoned death
To give me sweet release from pain.
Failing that, I'll go and take a truly enormous dump.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
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Comments

Awwwwww. Edna.
At least you have a fully functional arse-hole to console you.

Pucker up petal, the porcelain awaiteth !

Obi.

I will keep your confession secret. No one will know.

Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

is difficult to find poetic.
That is if by dump you mean defecate (not poetic at all) IMO
Would you like the fumes rising into your sinuses?
Would you eat it?
Put your hands in it?
Hmm.. poetic?

~Mark~

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... a joke.

I am puzzled by your using a quote from some unknown trainer of wrestlers odd. How is THAT poetic? I can think of few things less poetic than either wrestling or football, the latter being a nasty game played by common thugs.

Best wishes from

Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

I once new a girl from Englind
Tried wiping her arse with with a Newfin
Looked down with surprise
To open her eyes
And see it was truly a Jacksin

With love (and respect)

~Mark~

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However I did not understand it. What is a newfin and what is a jacksin?
.

Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

Hmm it seems not all jokes are understandable but then there are surnames in it that may not be very relative as can be common with more personal writing.
No harm intended, just more fun from this side of the pee pot.
Oh hmm.. there is also dialect from this part of the country, England, new fin, Jackson hmm this old mill-town language can really sound strange.
Peace,

~Mark~

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...wiser.

Surely the point of a joke is that it should be comprehensible?
.

Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

Jackson and Fin, slang here for currency :~)
Fin is a five dollar bill and Jackson is a 20 dollar bill

~Mark~

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Now all is clear.

I am touched that you used the English spelling, "arse" instead of the American word, "ass". It's little things like that which mend the "special friendship" after your genius president has put the world in danger by ordering the murder of an Iranian general by a fearless and gallant drone operator. I fear that will not end well.
.

Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

From my perspective (if we must) a small world (once big) cannot be made big again. Anyone that has a bit of wisdom will say we are not perfect and if anyone wants to try and change things there are channels (lawful or not). The voting booth is a good bet for a knowledgeable voter. I for one do my best at the voting booth by putting myself aside and thinking first for a united country.

~Mark~

Know the candidates
for the upcoming Administrative Council.
Voter's guide here:
https://www.neopoet.com/community/vote/guide

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