Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

the lost boy

I miss you my son
more than you know,
this heartache inside
darling daily it grows

I know what happened
to drive us apart,
I'll never stop grieving
I've made it an art

I've loved forever
and always I will,
even when my heart
is laying dead still

The little boy who hung
on each of my words,
clung to my skirt
till it was absurd

I miss every moment
that we've lost,
I miss your face
this distance has cost

Knowing your close
is killing me a piece at a time,
I'm lost in this sadness
a glimpse would be sublime

I'd rise to the stars
bringing them all down,
to show you I loved you
I'd craft you a crown

Without doubt I'd do
anything you say,
just to spend time
beside you one day

But as time passes
its like you've gone,
so I keep grieving
sitting alone, one.

Baby boy, my love
don't ever doubt,
whatever happened
can be worked out

The day is coming
I wont be around,
don't wait to miss me
till I'm in the ground

I'd beg if It'd help
I'd murder my dreams,
I'd sing to the moon
till it glowed at the seams

I've tried to reach out
but with no reply,
the hope that I feel
well, slowly it dies.

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing stage: 

Comments

then the rich earlier sweet works
down too the base ingredients
the pain

sitting here alone on my birthday
sitting house
a darkness like a cloud
and I read this
and feel it

when my daughter was three
our break up with the ex
they turned all against
me...fall winter I was shunned
just like that...for years
and I hooked up with more
incredible women..each lost
a child and got them back
and away they went out
in the world...contact
kept...but some the walls
bridges..seas are great

I like the clever use of
metaphors and imagery
I would craft a crown
something U dont see
in written work
I liked that..

"a glimpse would be sublime"
two rare words run together
that help shape the weight
of this write
without it being overtly
taxed with a maudlin sadness
instead it runs true
and examines that
vein of dark from the heart

"I'd rise too the stars.."

a great poem Jayne!

thank U..

Esker..

The appeal, the craving and yearning to see your son is very vividly expressed in this lively poem...very touching...I dearly wish that you and your son meet each other soon...

Much love...be well...

raj (sublime_ocean)

This poem is sensitive and heartfelt. Obviously, it took courage to write. Thank you for sharing your feelings in poetry.

I have a few suggestions for minor edits that might improve the cadence a bit. Here are the stanzas (with tweaks in ALL CAPS).

I miss you my son
more than you know,
this heartache inside
DEAR daily it grows
-----
I've loved YOU forever
and always I will,
WHEN EVEN MY HEART
LIES DEAD AND STILL
-----
Knowing YOU’RE close
is killing me a piece at a time,
I'm lost in this sadness
a glimpse would be sublime
(consider recasting this stanza for a smoother meter/cadence)
-----
Without doubt I'd do
WHATEVER you say,
just to spend time
beside you one day
-------
The day is coming
I wont be around,
don't wait to miss me
WHEN I'm in the ground

All in all, very well done. Thanks again.

Cheers ... Mike

Where ever a child is, to its Mother it is only a thought away.
There in the shadows is a light,
shall we see the shadows,
or look into the light.
The shadows of the mind are deep,
It takes a strong bond to show the light,
Just use your thoughts
The shadows will fall,
There in the light you will always be able to see,
Others cannot tell you what to do
These things are for you only,
My Jaughter walk with your love
There you can hold onto everything..
Take care young Lady and just trust in yourself.
Know we are here walking with you,
Yours Ian, Anne and the children xxx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

it will also lighten your heart

its a sad occurrence in ones life

this one is heartfelt.

Alid

I can feel the pain in this emotional write.
As a parent myself, my heart goes out to you.
I hope somethings happens to mend your heart,
Tim

I can well relate to your pain and hope in this piece. my favorite nephew and I had a falling out several years ago. it was a misunderstanding, and I was too proud and stubborn to clear it up at the time. since then, I wrote him a letter of apology asking for his forgiveness.it has been three months since I sent that letter. he is a minister, so I don't understand his rejection of my sincere regrets and remorse. I hope your son comes back to you soon,

*hugs, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

oh, your sadness is really felt all though out the poem. although my comment is months behind, I do hope it would not be too late for the both of you to be together.. warm hugs and sweet kisses!

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.