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Looking out the kitchen window
`
my finger traces
a still barely
visible band
on my 4th finger
our ex-anniversary
is now my memory
a constant companion
to might have beens
yesterday had so much
prospect and promise
today I face a sink
full of dirty dishes
`
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Comments
brittle light
Tue, 2010-11-23 07:28
I think this is cool, and
I think this is cool, and good too! I like it. It works for me. Don't know what else to say!
do lots more
Al
crypticbard
Thu, 2010-11-25 06:12
thanks Al
Much appreciated. :-)) Freds
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentVictorclaude
Tue, 2010-11-23 07:50
"yesterday had so much
"yesterday had so much
prospect and promise
today I face a sink
full of dirty dishes"
I don't know if the adage "fish or cut bait" exists where you live, but it came to mind when I read this last stanza, and how true this last stanza is.
Wow. . .
Victor
"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."
Unknown (at least to me)
crypticbard
Thu, 2010-11-25 06:20
thanks VC
I am sure I could catch the drift of that adage, but only vaguely recall hearing it used. That must be the essence this poem was attempting to capture. Thanks for sharing your feedback. Joining you in looking up at the stars. Freds
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2010-11-23 08:03
No typos...
no faults that I see. I just had to say, that this was really good writing. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
crypticbard
Thu, 2010-11-25 06:21
thanks Gee
you are much appreciated.
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentloved
Tue, 2010-11-23 10:54
u wash many a dish
i do so fish
and as you are a dish washer
you have better practice
of lovely long fingers
so i love your poetry
i wrote a double fired
ommellette one
for thee
loved
crypticbard
Thu, 2010-11-25 06:22
thank you
that is a humbling tribute. Now I shall go over and read that poem. :-) Thanks again.
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentloved
Thu, 2010-11-25 15:30
YOU HAVE YET TO
Read some poetry of mine
the rainbow in me
perhaps you could see
if it merits
any comments
from thee
ur fingers are lovely
as a philli
perhaps u be/rrrrrrrrrrrr
loved
crypticbard
Thu, 2010-11-25 17:08
please, what does it mean
"perhaps u be/rrrrrrrrrrrr" ???? Methinks you lost me there...
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentKailashana2
Thu, 2010-11-25 06:33
Indeed it is so.
Indeed it is so.
You have inspired me to dig out old memories.
Thank you.
~Anna
crypticbard
Thu, 2010-11-25 07:19
no probs Anna
A poem that spurs its reader into some positive action is a poem worth it's weight in gold. Cheers, Freds.
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentscribbler
Thu, 2010-11-25 07:44
window
a sink full of dirty dishes compared to a failed marriage.....wonderful originality................scribbler
crypticbard
Thu, 2010-11-25 07:59
succinct and straight to the point
Got that one right between the eyes. Thanks scribbler.... an astute reader duly noted. CB
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentEdevold
Thu, 2010-11-25 08:00
last stanza
the poem really gets going at the end. I guess you could consider rewriting - with the last stanza beginning the poem and then going deeper and adding more from there... Just my thought... a good honest write as it is.... makes one think,,, the poem does it's job and makes the reader empathize and reflect .....
I
crypticbard
Thu, 2010-11-25 08:33
Very interesting!
Thanks Edevold. I will see how I can act on this suggestion. It is not the first time one of my poes could have it's stanzas and/or lines moved around. Funny how they get 'constructed' that way. But I digress.... thanks for your comments and suggestions. Keep tuned and watch out for developments. There should be some soon. Cheers, Freds
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentHooded Stranger
Thu, 2010-11-25 18:09
CB
CB,
started off sad and bitter, and then you turned it around with the reality of the sink of dirty dishes!...awesome!
HS
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
crypticbard
Sat, 2011-01-08 06:57
and of course
the banality of this scenery makes it a majestic setting for the poem.
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentthemoonman
Fri, 2010-11-26 00:04
Crypticbard ...
You have captured a forlorn moment of reflection
and delivered it to the audience ... made it a very
real poem for me. At first I thought the title too long,
but it adds much to the long moment .... I've read this
piece at least three times, and have enjoyed the power
of it each time.
thanks for sharing
crypticbard
Fri, 2010-11-26 00:25
thanks themoonman
I am quite relieved that having altered the title from simply 'Kitchen Sink' has not totally detracted from the essence of the poem. My initial worry was that of its own 'kitchen sink' seemed to steer the reading mind away from the direction that the poem was headed. It is in fact a long moment... and encapsulated in such a few number of verses. Note as well that the persona was not identified as either male or female. I am humbled by your continued return to this particular poem. A poem's longevity and durability is something I regard with some value. Cheers, Freds.
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentcrypticbard
Sat, 2011-01-08 17:16
Exactly, Licia!
That's the natural flow in the timeline of the poem. After freezing a moment in time, we move on to the next bit of the story. Taking off the ring and moving on is the main element of the subsequent poem. A sequel if you will or a new chapter. Thanks for reading and responding. You are most heartfully appreciated. Cheers, CB
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentloved
Sat, 2011-01-08 18:01
A third perhaps fourth,inspired this poem whic u may now read.
My Ring Finger
The fingers I see,
Long, pointed and soft,
As a lotus flowers,
Distant memory fades
It graces the face
The fingers once did trace,
As it leaves a churning
Whirl in me
I look beyond my window
Many passers by I see
Who perhaps have yet to do?
Many a chores that await me
The fourth finger
A remembrance of the love
Then so pure
Now in eyes a tear
A quivering sore
The ears continuously ring
As I wash the dishes
Through autumn to spring
The memories of anniversaries
My finger continues to string.
`
loved
Kailashana2
Sat, 2011-01-08 19:15
This poem still packs the
This poem still packs the same emotion now as it did then.
But......... did you do the dishes?
;-)
crypticbard
Fri, 2011-01-21 05:33
Ah, Kaila
I always do the dishes. I no longer wear a wedding band because we both misplaced ours and could not replace them for lack of dispensable income. The mountain does pile up time and again, but the dishes always get done. :-)) Cheers, CB
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
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