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I regret the many foolish
and hurtful things I've said
and done when I was young.
I'm sorry for the wasted days
turning into lost years fleeting by.

I never did understand the anger.
the beatings and the silence
.My child's heart felt too deeply
and hurt too easily
and sometimes I wonder
why I was the one of two
who survived.

Last few words: 
one of two etc. I was the "replacement" for a brother who lived only 8 hours after birth,
Editing stage: 


A cross some carry, where a few questions would answer all and not be a burden to life.
As this old devil says sometimes:-
If you carry a cross too long the cross will become the reason for carrying..
Yours as always, Ian

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Yes. Memories that are part of me. We tend to review when we are near an end. Dying sucks,

Thanks, Ian

author comment

and yet those memories defines us today as they become the fabric of our life's journey.the why is simple. it's because you are meant to survive by God's will, mayhaps to tell the story of the other who didn't.


You understand ! I don't ask "why" things are the way they are but "for what reason." This we will never know. But there must be a reason, Genetics has determined that I inherited Parkinson's from my maternal side. There is no cure and it has suddenly crippled me. But I take care of myself as much as I can and tolerate the fear and the pain as I have had to tolerate so much of the same through my life,

thanks for your insight,



author comment

May your courage, your strength and your tolerance in the face of hardship be a legacy for your loved ones to follow when they faced the many trials in life. I used to fret in my younger days because my family lived in an old house with leaking roof and there are times when we don't have enough to go by until I see another family who lived in a big house but they are too proud to mingle with their neighbours. Even their children are not allowed to play with us. What I learn from this is that my situation is still so much better compared to their lonely children. I have friends to share my problems and my house is filled with laughter and we are close with our neighbours, helping each other in our times of need. True happiness has nothing to do with how much you have but how content you are with life. My parents always remind me that when we think we are at the bottom and our problem is the worst, the truth is, there are other people who are facing far worse.


I will never understand human suffering, I am one of many, Bur each man will never fully understand the suffering of another, I am fortunate In many ways,yes, but my heart sinks when I see or learn the horrors some are subjected to, Those, too, are memories that hurt,

You are a wise man, my friend,


author comment

A very honest soliloquy from a humble being delving into the greyer side of life. I am sure that while you reminisce, you will rediscover about many a brighter moments too of which you can write about.

Warm regards and best wishes,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Yes, and I miss those moments terribly There is no one left.


author comment

Politics and Protocol....

I joined the Rebels...the Black sheep at my old fifty age..
hard rock position
Kind of like going into the desert..
But you know..Its beautiful..

A friend of mine asked why all the time..
his dad died..a sucessful rich mine man
and his son found it hard...

another spoiled mine son beat his pregnant wife
and before long as he like his choices
Died of an O'd'

There are reasons things are Organized
and reasons there are Protocol

The Why's

Sit by this it shallow and full of
light and minnows.. a delightful thing to watch
Or be it churning and deep
dark and mythological

I have still a thousand why's.
the mystery taken with them
I let it....

I had my chums to
muscle all to say. Give me..
but it was theirs...
My mother carried me in her womb
for nine months...I didnt live her life..
she let me live....She made me
a birthday cake she threw on the floor
and then put int he fridge knowing I would
come and find it.....all that effort..
she threw it her anger still at my father
but not me....

her life not easy

not everyone choses to go easy on the
following generation

dying sucks.....yes I suppose it does..
I have tried to Overdoes so many times
and keep arriving alive and doing what
I can to help others....
its beyond a personal thing now

beyond the deep psychological

we are Human
and humans feel

All my girlfreinds were beatn and more
all my chums were beaten by their fathers
and dealt with that..
threw their fathers over first floor landings

Its way beyond the nice here and now
these people loveme and I love them

I saw pepole who got out of Millhaven after
twenty years......
and I knew gaurds who were at Millhaven
and transferred to keep sane..

I,m hard ore beyond..

I understand a lot ..

in a time when things are evolving so fast
no one has time for the small details likje

But me.....I see the treasures!!

I see whom has worked hartd at their

You Joe are one..

memory ..rememberer of your fifties
which was important

and poetry......

a magic al place


Im fifty...been through the emotional mllls
the knotholes
not all poets been through this
but I relate..

When I was at the pysch hospital late
I pushed people in wheelchairs
made freinds with young and old

people love me and people hate me

I can relate to you so well

Dont feel bad about what went on
earlier....fucking people push us
they they dig in and dump the moralistic
shit on us,,and we defend them
wanting to beklieve in family and goodness

I watched much in the end...
like wolves...people ripping people

I like your poetry...I like your perspective
to me Geremia you are part of my family here

For me thats all that matters!

North Bay Ontario...Middle of nowhere canada..

You are bright sir..My Lori ..her cousin..her daughters..
all are too.....

ha ha

You are alivie

Dig in..

I watch you Sir.......
In your struggle I am there..

but there is another perspective
we all just want the pedestal one..

trust me..we have a purpose..

It looks like, Steven, we have had a lot in common You always had a poet's heart. Keep alive, my friend. and enjoy the moment for me.


author comment

your courage talent and art, I won't make the same choice. When a definitive end, either cancer or Alzheimers in my case, is pronounced, I will not fight and suffer to the end, I will end it myself.

Your thoughts in this poem reflect many of my own in making this decision.

It's great to be an atheist! I can make my own decisions.

"I regret the many foolish
and hurtful things I've said
and done when I was young."
counts up to this very day.

All children's hearts feel too deeply
and hurt too easily
as do all poets.

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

I respect you and I would do the same. It is not courage that makes me continue, Jess.I know what is happening to me, and I have been diagnosed in my last stages of PD, I know what is next but I need to do so many things yet. And if I did myself in, I would lose my soul.

Thanks, my friend

author comment

It only exists while you are alive. You can imagine how primitive folk made up these superstitions to try to avoid the inevitability of death, sooner or later.
Only science can do anything about that, sooner or later.

And yet, you are right, there is much I could still do.

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

I am Roman Catholic and these ideas are a matter of faith which I feel I may be losing. Poetry keeps me oon track.


author comment
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