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Look there's a Heartache

Submitted by Search on Wed, 2012-10-24 01:13

My heart is aching now,
I was too late,
I have lost you,
And I do not know if I will ever tell you,
But it hurts a lot,
And know I’m writing this fucking poem,
I can’t believe I lost you to someone like that,
Now I have to wear a mask,
What about every conversation we had?
I’m a little lost now,
A split road at every turn,
And I can’t even look back,
You made a decision on a bus ride,
I made a decision the day we met,
I’ve got a bad heartache,
I’m not even being cliché,
I’m done looking at your face,
The sad part is I can’t turn away,
And now the bitch phantom of my mind is taunting me,
She’s telling me how to write poetry,
And I don’t want to listen to her,
But it’s hard not to,
All because of you,
I don’t want to do this anymore.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I've got a heartache, and it freaking sucks. But it was unfair.
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

Seren

Wed, 2012-11-07 06:38

Seren's picture

I dont think we have met before, so ello and welcome ... I can feel the raw emotions in this poem, standing back and reading it dispassionately it does need some work there are a few lines that could be shortened and given more punch, I would be happy to edit and show you what I mean let me know if you want said edits done I would be happy to help out ... and yes heartache is a bitch but I can say from experience gets easier to live with as time goes on

kind regards Jayne-Chloe

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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