Read this just before bed and will return in the morning to give it a good going over..........stan

one small thing - grammar - did you mean
'Since me and my best friend had spoken last'
it did pull me up a little... but perhaps you meant to make it improper for a reason?

and
'Being to no avail, taking wind from the sail,
a call lost due to untimely inspection
twenty years
still lost in the collection' --- very clever imho

love judy

I reallly liked what you did here. I wouldn't change a word of it! I really enjoyes this:
Anorexic indignations self- induced by lack of conformity
in societies reality lead to the harsh realism of the seriousness
in this situation

When beginning this life-long friendship,
Johnny Walker never suspected the capriciousness
Yukon Jack engaged in .. Johnny, solid strong stability driven was
prone to involvement as Yukon's best friend

always, Cat

A good job of converting a difficult prose. A few ideas you can chew over :
L-2 since my best friend and I had spoken last seems to flow better
L-3 try once valid at start of line
L-8 change lead to leads or led
L-15 split into 2 lines between lost and due for clarity
L-17 change lost to gone to avoid close repeat of lost
L-18 change has to had
In the event that the grammar errors are intended to display a state of mind those can be safely ignore (as All these ideas can lol)...............................stan

strip it back to its barest ideas and imagery and build a poem from that.

We can't be afraid of not realising the full vision of the aithor, or they would have written a poem.

On the other hand, we can do better, by allowing ourselves poetry.

strip it back to its barest ideas and imagery and build a poem from that.

We can't be afraid of not realising the full vision of the author, or they would have written a poem.

On the other hand, we can do better, by allowing ourselves poetry.

Whhhhoooophhhhh... Bamboozling! (scuze the pun!). This one took a few reads, & some wondeful wit & turns of phrase were very evident, Very tricky though... maybe I'm super weary, but I found it very convoluted... It IS very clever, I agree, just really hard to get through & make sense of... I will admit, I felt this a little with the Prose as well.... I had no idea what all the abbreviations meant, not being a US person, & just assumed all the characters must have been whiskey brands (yes?).

I think I need to come back when my head is clearer... great first draught on a tricky prose... (again. no offense on the Prose, it is clever also & well laid out as a working plain prose write), not sure how I'd have managed this... definitely think you have made a great start here...
Again, I completely agree with Jess for this workshop generally... I think we can't hang onto so much detail & retain the subtelety of poetry.

I sigh again... I AM inpressed.

Cheers
Anni

Getting better each time but it's getting time to try for a final edit. .........stan

brought back to my times of eating out of dumpsters
and asking for ciggies
Im six one and large
how to be humble enough without
extra

starved too once in a mental fifties
rambling place out on the north stretch
tall windows with screens

down to one sixty

I found names on the road were
not needed
nicknames were safer and easier
to know and go by
so I found Johhny and Jack
hard to fathom although I understand
the use here

most of my old freindships were closed
for good reason and the drawbridge drawn
up

but I do remember calling people with a mittful
of change from city corners before the call
would go dead trying to get grounded with
the memories of people more stable
not staring at the sun and flying so close
to the sky

Im glad you wrote this as I like Mark much
and like this poem

I just throw in YUKON or WALKER
for less complications
for me

there is nothing like being driven to be on
the move restlessly
and the visions I remember from being starved
and freezing in an apartment stick with me
today more then the feasts and the ordinary
day or richs

A great poem though
and written with gusto

Thank You