Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Lonely Road
I'm going to walk down this
road I'm on. Till I'm done
singing this same old song.
There's nothing but tears in this
song I sing, nothing but sweet
ol' misery.
My heart is hardened my soul
so cold, so I walk on down this road alone.
There is nothing but the dark I see
so when I go no one will remember me.
I look towards the heavens
I look towards the sky
but nobody answers and I
don't ask why.
My life is nothing but a lonely road
which I will travel so all alone.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
Wed, 2023-02-08 05:41
Title is fitting
Unless you felt you wanted something more ambiguous I’d say the title works. Maybe ‘Walking Alone’ as an alternative.
It’s seems like a structured rhymer to me.
I'm going to walk down
this road I'm on.
(‘Til) Till I'm done singing
this same old song.
There's nothing but tears
in this song I sing,
nothing but sweet ol' misery.
My heart is hardened my soul so cold,
so I walk on down this road alone.
There is nothing but the dark I see
so when I go no one will remember me.
I look towards the heavens
I look towards the sky
but nobody answers and
I don't ask why.
My life is nothing but a lonely road
which I will travel so all alone.
For me it delivers better that way. It totally loses the free verse feel to it but it’s just wanting to be read that way.
We all dearly love your writing and company. Never hesitate to reach out. There are good folks here.
Tim
Abby
Wed, 2023-02-08 18:22
I really liked this
I really liked this thematically. The only thing I would suggest is that the line, “I look towards the heavens,” doesn’t feel entirely necessary. Looking towards the sky implies it, so it may be a little redundant. But I do think that same stanza ends off on a strong note. And then I liked pretty much the rest of it. Great work here.
"To fly is to fall."