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Living in the hell

When the human was first found on the earth,
he was asked to revere Allah with faith;
The most merciful and the most gracious,
who granted us endless pleasures, precious.

He said:"to gain Al Ferdaws, the Paradise,
you Man, construct and pay a valued price."

But the Man cruelly destructed instead.
He ravaged the earth; and overly shed
the blood; he hadn't any taste of mercy
upon the old, nor the young of worthy.
He potently followed the earthy law,
the heaven's left behind, blown in raw.

Has the Man belittled the Gracious God?
and together lured by His leniency, laud?

Man has certainly turned from the right way,
may God the Gracious guide those steps one day.
.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
No bashing of God, please.
Editing stage: 

Comments

yes, it is a sad truth we both know. All that we can do is to hope, pray and spread His teachings. Unfortunately, it is a difficult path to follow,with all the distractions in this world.

Truth to be told, I thought that you are going to write about Palestine when I see the title. Let me tell you what one of my ustaz has said. "When Allah tested you with fear, hunger, poverty and pain, it does not mean that He has forsaken you. He wants to elevate your status in Jannah in answer to the angels who have asked Him why did He create mankind. The angels are never tested so for a human to pass the test and obtain Jannah in spite of his/her flaws , that is an honour which surpassed them. We have seen and heard the palestinians being tested in their country, if they passed away, facing the enemy, that is syahid. if they lived in His path, accepting His will with patience, then for them the great rewards from Allah. Here they cry in agony but that will not last. The people who have wronged them will scream louder when they faced the real Hellfire with eternal punishment. Only then will they know who are more fortunate."

Now about the poem, given that it's religious themed, I'm not sure if others can accept it as it is since it is clearly written in a Muslim's point of view. I would use the word God instead of Allah. Even then, there will still be people who may feel uncomfortable with the theme itself as They don't believe in GOD. Well, to each, his/her own perceptions..

Alid

for your invaluable addition. Can't be better said !
I believe there is a space for everyone here to share his/her views and believes.

Thank you for your kind visit.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

What ever you perceive to be God or any deity, it matters not.
That you live a life with unconditional love to all people no matter what your teaching is,, is the only thing that is asked of you in most all religions.
If only the world could be so, walk and question those that teach you if they wander from this teaching,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

for the kind comment. I can't agree more.. Only if many would hear those words. ::(

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

as an intolerant atheist I can not comment on the content.
I can acknowledge the love, word-crafting and sincerity of the writing and hope my reading reflects my respect.
I am not sure of the use of the word "laud" in context.
https://soundcloud.com/user536630132/living-in-the-hell-by-rula

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Thanks for spoken word. You don't know how much it is appreciated.
You always add that extra dimension to every poem you read.
Can't thank you enough!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment
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