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ON LIVING
What about the slow passing of time
The slow but sure decay of the days
When will all of this end
And what will be left in its wake?
All day I have waited for the evening
Waited for this cool breeze that soothes my soul
And reminds me that all of this
Has been worth it in the end
I have waited for the last song of the bluebird
A great reminder that I am still here
Still alive
But what about our dreams that never come true
What about their slow and painful deaths
God, I can still hear the cries of mine
Their screams and wails as they were put to the torch
Burnt until they turned to ash
Until they were lost forever
All my life I have waited
Waited for the right girl to come along
For the right time to do this, or that
There's a clock ticking away in my soul
The sound....
The goddamn ticking sound
The waiting, like Bukowski said
Is going to drive me to insanity
What about the songs that helped us through hard times
That we ended up forgetting anyway
And what about the friends we have lost
And the days in which we found peace
Days we ended up losing
In the multitude of others
A. SWANTALALA
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2023-05-05 13:41
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "On Living" explores the passage of time and its effects on our lives. The speaker contemplates the slow decay of days and the ultimate end of everything, wondering what will be left in the wake of it all. The poem then shifts to a more personal reflection on the speaker's own experiences of waiting and loss. The imagery is vivid and evocative, particularly in the description of dreams being "put to the torch" and the relentless ticking of a clock in the soul.
One suggested line edit would be to change "The waiting, like Bukowski said" to "The waiting, as Bukowski knew." This would make the reference to Charles Bukowski's work more accurate, as the original quote is actually "The days run away like wild horses over the hills."
Overall, the poem is well-crafted and thought-provoking, capturing the universal experience of grappling with time and the fleeting nature of life.
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Geezer
Fri, 2023-05-05 15:19
Reminding me...
of the time wasted in my youth. "The Waiting". The transition from childhood to adult, is a pivotal time in our lives, but unfortunately, most of us don't realize it at the time. Yes, "the days do run away, like wild horses over the hill." I like the mood of this one, sometimes, you can still feel the time dragging at your heels, you can't help it. You always think "Someday..."
Nicely done! ~ Geezer.
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