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Littleton

Littleton by RW

Littleton's fun was to torture his son
The hearth fire roared but of heat there was none
space where old angers restore, cold, unwon
paths worn ancient scorn, past hurts redone

old man clutched his cloak of stained and worn dun
sweat poured small rivers, he could not outrun
grave in back yard guarded by Littleton
if death is pain's surcease he's just begun

pokers in fireplace, glowed red overdone
knew flesh cauterized meat spit slowly spun
until eyes grew film and life was undone
tearful and fearful all sanity shun

long red beard assures he's feared, not outdone
though daytimes are dreadfilled, his nightmares stun
waking hours haunted towers rerun
murder isn't easy when it's your son.

In a frenzy, he smashed his door to run
he found naught outside, no stars, moon, or sun
Littleton screamed kneeling clutching his gun
Hell is first lonely, each made for just one

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Sorry this took so long, it required five edits before I was even somewhat happy with it. Sorry Gee. Ron BlueDemon77
Editing stage: 

Comments

I only just have found the time to look at it. moving soon and lots to do. Wow! Lots to do do here too! i will try to do it justice in my own little way. Thanks, ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

but for workshop purpose, it is not that ss
i think the length of lines takes attention from the rhyme and the really excellent meter lessens the ss effect

love judy
come join my critique workshop ron?
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

It sounds great.

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

author comment

I keep telling everyone who'll listen that a poet is never either late nor early lol. You've given Gee a good one to work on as in my opinion the aabb pattern is often the most ss..................stan

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