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The Little Stars

Little stars, little stars,
Up, up you live
How’re your beauty?
Thy brighter eyes see me as they
Twinkle, and twinkling upon my forehead;
Come down to live.

Little stars!
Your wings cover the clouds
Fly with them, come to visit me
Come down to live.

I hungered for your touch
I stretched to pluck you from the sky
But my hand was shortened
I stood on a stool
Yet I became smaller;

Little stars, little stars
Up, up you live
How is your beauty?
Thy brighter eyes see me as
They twinkle, and twinkling upon my forehead,
Please, come down to live.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

So far off away. Interesting piece you have here. Whimisical.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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as a kind of childhood poem
one that I remember as Twinkle Twinkle
Little Star.

I would write the third line as you have written
the third one in the last stanza.
"How is your beauty?"

I don't think that your second stanza makes a whole lot of sense
Maybe you could say:

Your wings cover the clouds
Fly with them, come to visit me
Come down to live

For the next one, try saying;

I hungered for your touch
I stretched to [pluck] you from the sky
But my hand was shortened
I stood on a stool
Yet I became smaller

The rest seems pretty good.
As always, these suggestions are your to use or not
as you choose. ~ Geezer

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I like it. It's awesome!

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

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