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Little Mouse

Little Mouse is hungry,
time to look for food.
He leaves for the kitchen
to find cheese to loot.

Thus he moves quickly,
passing by the fat cat,
who watches him silently,
ready to attack.

Once the deed is done,
he wants to go home
but his courage undone
crumbling like stone..

The cat is standing!
trouble approaching
Little Mouse squeaking
Scared, he starts running

His grip slipping,
his cheese falling
His heart breaking,
but he's not pausing

His belly grumbling,
Little Mouse is sad.
He is still starving
but his luck is bad..

Crying silently,
he wanders alone
before he knows it,
he's far from home..

There in the park,
he cries out in delight
when he finds a biscuit
and not a cat in his sight

Little Mouse returns home,
singing and dancing around,
celebrating the day
and the treasure he has found....

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


Just a tiny tweak on these two stanzas:-
As the cat growls,
he lets out a squeaks.
He flees for dear life
Little Mouse run quick!

In all the haste,
his cheese has fallen
but with the cat there,
he dares not return.
They seem to stop the flow of a good poem read it out loud and hear what I mean, Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Done some editing. Tell me what you think.


author comment

A nice story with imagery you have used,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Just trying out something new.


author comment
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