Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

LITTLE BLUE BUTTERFLIES

Neve before had these
been seen
by me:
tiny, active, blue-winged
flitting in oblong orbIts
chasing each other
into a purple sort of aerial dance.

I have looked for signs
since you left
that you might be
near.

The aerial butterfly show continued
at my feet, i stepped a bit
away
to watch them
swoop, sail, bank and turn,
a pattern emerged.

Suddenly, i saw
your face in amongst
those sailing blue wings

smiling at me.

Your brown eyes looking out
I reached out to caress
the butterflies disappeared
you
were gone
again.

Yet, for an instant
I felt your sweet loving glance

that will have to do
that will have to do.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I saw the butterflies today!
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

that have the half-thought idea that there might be something to the idea of reincarnation, there are many who think that butterflies are either a sign from those who have passed on or the people themselves. I'm not sure where I sit on the fence, but I do know that the thought brings comfort. I have witnessed a white butterfly, dance around the head of my next-door neighbor and land on his arm while he was speaking of his twin brother who has been gone for sometime. We spoke to it and it stayed a moment longer and then flitted off. I am glad that you have gained some comfort from your interaction with the blue butterflies and that it has brought you to write this poem. Maybe change purple to Azure? [same syllable count] I don't see anything else that I would correct. Well done! ~Geez. [Typo alert! You need an [r] on the end of the first word]
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

The format and punctuation in this is a great aid to rhythm and cadence.
The weakest part (for me) is the first three lines.

Has anyone ever said a bad word against butterflies? they really are wonderful creatures!
psssst- probably, "Cupido minimus".

Enjoyed, Obi.

now can you read me as I return as lovedly
thanks Ray
just testing

beautiful poem. i really love the first five stanzas

Thanks for reading my work. I appreciate your comments and suggestions.

I’m not sure about the replication of the Last two lines.

I am 2/3 thru reading the complete works of e.e.cummings. Been a Collins fan, and a Transtormer fan. I like to think that all I have read are a part of me writing now.

Been watching for more blue butterflies.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.