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My heart is breaking into two
bleeding all my love for you.
Stabbed by blades of treachery
I wept for the loss of harmony


The silence screaming between us
our hope crumbling into dust
When the old pride cry in shame,
my hurting soul cursed your name


The joy I held cracking in despair
The lament of a spirit stripped bare.
begging to be freed from lies
and the home where love dies

"Words meant nothing
when loyalty is missing."
so says the woman betrayed...

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
this is another poem, packed with emotions, I got the idea as I try to help my friend who is going through divorce proceedings with her two-timing husband. Its sad 'cos both of them are my friends whom I have known over a few years and they have a pair of twins whom I loved very much. Actually, I am also writing to let out my own frustrations, my anger and my feeling of helplessness, seeing how the little ones suffer and there's nothing i could do to ease their pain. Please, tell your friends out there, remind them that when a divorce took place its the children who will suffer the most....its not worth the affair. when the time comes you will regret it.
Editing stage: 


The theme is appealing, but when you read it aloud, you will find that the flow and cadence is affected perhaps by the absence of some missing words...for example the first stanza connects well with "Silence" whereas in the absence "to" in the next, it affects the flow..i hope you understand what I am trying to say...please check out by reading it aloud...



raj (sublime_ocean)

Hi Alid,

The poem can be much better, as suggested by Raj, read it loud and you will be able to get the right flow.


Hey Alid,

Very quick haan. Well the poem sounds better now :) Good job:)


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