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Linearity

I unraveled my brain
stretched - it - out - in - a - line
it was long

tiny beads of instants
each,
incommunicado
with
all
others

it was
fun until it
got alltangleyandknottedup
again

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

As I read the first stanza my inner fascist scientist screamed "you can't! The brain is a complex gestalt, linearity is anathema to it!"

The second two stanzas made up for it. The concrete poetry aspects
stretched - it - out - in - a - line
and
alltangleyandknottedup
work well.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

I have not been around here for awhile. I miss it, and hope to write more soon.
...ups and downs...around and around....

Al

author comment

Bravo...fun read.

Ells

thank you for your comment...much appreciated

Al

author comment

I thought it was wonderful I can't see anything to add or change

Bravo

Regards Jc x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

thank you for your generous compliment

Al

author comment

One after my own heart,
or should I dare say Brain,
Mine only stretches a mile,
It stretched a little bit!
This made me smile,
Am having an ex tension put in
Where I worry less lol,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

it has been awhile! glad you got something from this. It was a very quick write...just trying to get back in the old saddle again... thanks

Al

author comment

Look forward to your future writes as this one adds another facet in our poetry range.
I sometimes try others style when seeing new ways, it is quite refreshing.
Take care Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

all our neurones and axons stretched out and all the bits inbetween that get tangled with Alzheimers
Your knotty bits was Alzheimers to me

thanks for your thoughts...very much appreciated

Al

author comment

I like your suggestions...will use them ( I"ll eventually get around to implamenting them)

and thanks for the BiG compliment

Al

author comment
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